The Aftermath

Well……the Thanksgiving holiday was a complete success (YEAH!) and a complete failure (BOO!).

The Successes:

• Jetsam and her mother – Cruella – left me alone about this blog.  I didn’t have to defend myself or my right to free speech.  I didn’t have to use the information I looked up about freedom of speech (just in case I needed facts to support myself).  Either the kids didn’t tell them about it or they just didn’t want to bother with me….whatever the reason, I’m thankful!
• I almost completely avoided all stores on Black Friday.  The one store I did go into, I didn’t go with the intent of the sales, but because I actually needed these 2 specific items for Saturday’s predicted weather – very rainy and very cold.  I waited until almost noon before venturing out to avoid stampedes, mace and general mayhem.  I was pleasantly surprised when the items I purchased were much cheaper than the tags said because of the sales.  Seriously – I LOVE my new ski pants and goulashes.  Why ski pants when I don’t even know how to ski?  Because they’re warm, they’re semi-water/mud-proof, they were perfect for what I needed them for, and they were only $20.
• I was able to get rid of most of the traditional Ritz Cracker Pie I made.  Thankfully, my sister-in-law-to-be (hmmm…name…name….gotta give her a name….I know!  Dharma – Dharma it will be!! – you know…as in Dharma and Greg?  Bro is soooo gonna love that nick!!  HA!) has never experienced RCP and took most of it with her.  She wanted to share it with her side of the family – gladly!  Take it!!  And with my blessings!!  <<<psst…..I think I found a new sucker…uh…I mean….the next new chef in the family to make the pie!!>>>
• Finalized plans for vacation were made.  WOOHOO!!

The Failures:

• Jetsam and Cruella left me alone about this blog.  Dang it!  I had my speech all planned out.  I had my cocky laugh all practiced for when they threatened to sue me for everything I’m worth (about $2.76 right now by the way….).  I was going to pull the information about freedom of speech out of my purse with a flourish and leave them speechless and in awe of my intellect.  I was going to finish the conversation off with a sneer and a “see you in court!”  None of it happened…..damn it.
• I had to go to the store on BLACK FRIDAY.  I hate shopping in general and I hate dealing with other shoppers.  To need something and that need land on the busiest shopping day of the year might as well be my death knell.  I hate crowds.  I hate trying on cloths.  And I hate that it took me so long to buy what I did.  I’ll never be without ski pants again….did I mention I love them?
• I didn’t get a darn thing done at my house the whole weekend.  No Christmas decorations have been put up (and still haven’t been….), no bathroom painted, no groceries bought, no blogs written – I didn’t do anything besides eat, sleep and fend off Hun’s advances.  It was exhausting I tell you!
• Finalized plans for vacation were made.

CRAP!!    I only have 12 days left before we leave – what the hell am I doing typing this??  I better get packing!!

What I am thankful for this Thanksgiving season:

I am thankful for Hun – yes he irritates the crap out of me more often than I like, but I wouldn’t trade him for anyone.

I am thankful for LaLa – she reminds me so much of myself at her age.  I hope I’m able to help her navigate the oddness called the teenage years with just a little bit of wisdom.  Whatever she turns out to be in the future – I hope she takes a path that includes writing….she’s way better than I ever thought of being at her age.

I am thankful for Buddy – he brings joy and frustration to my life in odd ways, but never ceases to amaze me with his unique view on life.

I am thankful for Rowdy – he’s taught me that I would have made an equally good lawyer as he’s going to be (if he wants to that is) with his twists and turns in logic.  He’s taught me to look at life from a different perspective and I appreciate it.

I am thankful for Monkey – she brings energy to daily life that wouldn’t exist without her.  She’s growing up to be an awesome person (no, really, she is…..), and will be one day if we’d just get out of her way and stop holding her back.

I am thankful for all of my friends – they have taught me this last year that I need my girlfriends and I need time to myself to recharge.  If it weren’t for them, I might have ended up in the psych-ward long before now….

I am thankful for Flotsam and Jetsam – there are days I wish they would just fall off the face of the earth, but if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have the family I currently have.  As much as they irritate me, I’m still thankful Flotsam gave me an awesome son and Jetsam produced three beautiful kids.  Now….if only postage to Siberia was a little cheaper…..

I am thankful for the roof over my head – even if I’m not very thankful for the work required underneath said roof.  I mean, come on!!  It shouldn’t be taking me 3 months just to paint a bathroom or the foundation to be going wonky again when we just had it fixed!!

I am thankful for my job and Hun’s job – now, where’s that lottery ticket…..

I am thankful for you, dear readers, because without you, all of these “experiences” would be rattling around in my head.  It’s much more helpful for me to clean it all out.  It was starting to get crowded up there!!  Hun is thankful for you as well – he was tired of listening to me…..

And last but not least I’m very thankful that vacation is only 17 days away at this point….

Understanding My Humor

I love teasing everyone.

Not mean teasing, but goofy, laughable, leave-them-wondering-if-I’m-serious type teasing.

This is probably because I was raised with a lot of humor in my family growing up.  My father – I’ll call him Dad* – has a wicked sense of humor that I apparently inherited (yeesh – give me some credit will ya?  I can’t be funny ALL of the time).  Also – he has this amazing ability to deliver dead-pan deliveries to something so absurd that you can’t help but wonder if what he is saying is true or not.  As a child on the receiving end of these stories, I can tell you, it made for some interesting times…..

Like…..

Driving along the interstate on vacation one year at around age 8 or 9, I clearly remember looking out the window at the barren scenery.  A divided 4 lane highway, pastures on both sides of the road as far as the eye can see, barbed wire fencing keeping the cows away from the road and……rocks….lots of rocks….piled up on the pasture side of the barbed wire fencing only, for miles upon miles – rocks lined up on the pasture side of the barbed wire fencing.  These rocks were not small either, but good size chunks and there were enough of them to catch my eye.  Especially since NONE and I mean not one single rock was to be found on the highway side of the fence, but plenty on the pasture side.

I pondered this scene for several miles before asking Dad the serious question of why there would only be rocks on one side of the fence and not the other.  He thought about it for only a second or two…..and gave me this answer:

“The fence is there to keep the rocks from crossing the road so they won’t get hurt.”

I was an adult before I think I finally figured out why those rocks were only on one side of the fence.

What about the time the family was playing charades for New Year’s.  Dad’s contribution to the suggestion pile was “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” – yeah, ok, that’s an easy clue – no problem there Dad!  Sheesh!!

At another family get-together, Dad and his brothers would serenade whoever happened to be sitting there with a less-than-flattering song choice – like “Roll On Big Momma” for Grandma or “All My Ex’s Live In Texas” to Uncle’s current girl-friend of the month.

Or the time…..

He….ummm…..

He said……ummm……well…..

Shoot!  I can’t remember any others at the moment, but just trust me – he’s a funny guy!  To know him is to laugh when he is around.

So it’s no surprise to me anymore when crazy things come out of my mouth:

Like Hun commenting that a job posting he’s looking at requires 5 years of collection experience – I respond with, “Does attempting to collect Child Support count?”

Or when we first got our dog Honey, at the time I also called Hun Honey as his nick-name.  I went around telling everyone, “Now I have two dogs named Honey!”  Hun did not see the humor in this……

Just yesterday, I went to the junior high to have a planned meeting with Buddy’s teachers and vice-principal regarding the classes he will be taking next year in high school.  Both Buddy and I were totally unprepared for them to call him into this meeting too, but I still couldn’t resist the opportunity to lay it on thick with him about how much trouble he was in for being called to The Office (the least trouble-making kid out of the four….and he knows it).  The dis-believing grin/worried look on Buddy’s face as he said, “I swear I didn’t do anything wrong Mom, PROMISE!!” was more than I could handle before cracking up laughing and letting him off the hook.

I’m so glad my kids have learned not to take things from me too seriously…..otherwise, I might actually live up to the evilness that I keep bottled up that is reserved for Exes.

Just remember – It’s all Dad’s Fault.

*Names have been changed to protect the innocent.

One Tradition – Up For Grabs

Have you ever been handed a family tradition that you’re not sure you want any more?

I’m at that point.

Due to circumstances at the time, I was the family member that happened to be living with my Grandma before her health and mind deteriorated.  The last holiday season I lived with her, she shared with me her Ritz Cracker Pie recipe.  And no, this is NOT the same recipe you can find on the back of a Ritz cracker box.  This recipe is one of the original-original recipes from somewhere around 1920-30, passed down from Great-Grandma to Grandma and now to me, the Grand-daughter.  This is the recipe that 3 out of 5 aunts/uncles (my Dad included), plus multiple cousins and grandkids all request for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Don’t get me wrong – I love the memories of Grandma that come up as I’m making the pie.  I love the fact that I was the one entrusted with the “secret”.  I love making my family happy and I love getting the “a-ok” thumbs up sign when I happen to make it “just right”.  However, I don’t love the fact that I (personally) hate the recipe!  I can’t stand the taste of it.  I can’t even eat the glorious creation that I’ve made!!  Bummer….

Granted, you’re probably thinking that you’d LOVE to have that problem – but it gets frustrating.  This isn’t an easy recipe to make.  It’s a 24 hour endeavor to get it to that “just right” stage.  And I can’t even enjoy one piece of it?  Really?

Now, I’ll admit that I don’t work on it for a straight 24 hours.  But, I’m also not a foodie that loves spending time in the kitchen either.  When I cook something, I want it to be over and done with in one fell swoop.  I don’t want to have to remember to keep coming back to something over and over again – and unfortunately, according to Grandma and my own attempts to modify the recipe – this is exactly what you have to do with this recipe to make it “just right”.

Also – I had to work with the recipe – and Grandma while she was still alive – to understand her measuring amounts.  How much is a heaping?  Or what about the notes to use the silver measuring cup instead of the cooper one?  Dash of this and a dollop of that and with recipe challenged me following directions, it made for a rough few years when first making the batch.

So – I’ll be beginning early Wednesday morning on this recipe.  I’ll make the filling before leaving for work.  It’ll sit on the stove for the entire day (as a food supervisor for many years, I have such an issue with this!!  But, it’s an important step I was warned not to skip.  I tried to, one year, yeah….that wasn’t a success….), gelling, until I get back home to make the crust at the end of the day.  The crust takes me about an hour to make and another hour to bake the pie.  Then it must – MUST! – sit in the refrigerator overnight or the flavors will not blend “just right”.  Not to mention the glaze on top must be made as well.

I’ll take it to the family gathering; everyone will ooh and aah over it, and then eat about half of it.  Did I mention the recipe also makes more than any of us (even w/50+ people showing up) will eat?  I’ll take the rest to work on Friday for the poor souls that are missing out on Black Friday sales.  Lucky them.

And still, I won’t have eaten a piece (or if I do, I’ll wonder why I bothered – bleck!).  Maybe I can convince one of the cousins who do like it to take over the tradition for me…..

Why oh why was our family tradition not 7-Layer Dessert?  Mom – wanna start a new tradition???  I’ll gladly take that one over…..

Introducing Cruella….

Have you ever said something and instantly thought…..Uh Oh!  Shouldn’t have said that!?!

I did that (again) earlier in the week.  I’ve been thinking about the possible consequences and ramifications ever since…..

Before now, when posting to this blog, I had to fight the crowd of 4 kids and 1 Hun for the computer.  Or, I had to secretly post from work when my boss wasn’t looking.  She didn’t care for the most part, but it did bother me (just a little).  So, posting for me usually happened sporadically at my house, after the kids went to bed or when the majority of them were at Jetsam’s house for the weekend.  Since getting the new laptop, I’m much freer with my movement and when I can access the internet.

Up until now, I have not shared with the kids that I write a blog.  For one, I don’t want Flotsam or Jetsam to know about the blog.  Anything the kids know about, Flotsam and Jetsam know about it too because the kids just cannot keep their mouths shut about things like this.  Also, the kids being kids might not understand the humor and point of view I have on their lives.  Hun knows that I write about them, reads my work and has no problem with what I’m saying, but that still doesn’t mean I want 4 cranky kids complaining about my nicknames for them or that they don’t understand sarcasm.  So….

Sitting on the couch, typing away on a word document for my latest installment, Rowdy happens to ask me what I’m doing.  Hun always asks me the same thing, in the exact same tone of voice, and I always respond the same way – writing a blog post (duh!).

Uh Oh!!

Crap!  (Did that just come out of my mouth?)

Rowdy instantly perked up at the same time LaLa was walking into the room.  Simultaneously, they both commented, “You have a blog?”  I believe in telling the kids the truth in most instances (although, I also believe what they don’t know won’t hurt me), so I didn’t shy away and told them yes.  I was barraged with questions like:

“What’s it about?” – It’s about my life.

“Are we in it?” – Yes

“Can we read it?” – No

“Why not?” – Because you don’t need to at this point.

“Well, if we can’t read it, you can’t write about us!” – Tough, you’re supporting cast members.

“That’s not fair!!  We want to read it!” – Too bad.

“Are you ever going to let us read it?” – Maybe…..after Monkey turns 18 (in 7 years).

“You should let us read it anyway.” – Nope, not gonna happen.

“Do other people read it?” – Yep, lots of people

“Who?” – Some family members and the general public.

“WHAT!?!  Seriously?  Which family members?” – Well, several, and no, I’m not telling you who.  You should be able to figure it out on your own….after all, they didn’t start calling you LaLa for nothing you know.

“ARGH!!  You told them my nick-name?!?” – It’s not like they didn’t already know it.  (I received a huge eye-roll from this part of the conversation.)

And on and on the conversation went for about another 10 minutes.

At odd points in the last several days, I’ll be ambushed with the same conversation – whether I’m on the computer or not.  The kids cannot handle knowing about something and then not having access to the information – kind of like looking at the Christmas presents under the tree and having to wait to open them…..they bug us for days begging to open just one….please!?!

Now the secret is out.  And the kids are at Jetsam’s house this weekend – which means, she now knows about it as well – probably.

If the pattern with her stays as it usually does, Jetsam won’t say a word to me or Hun about it at all.  After all, she’s scared of me remember?  But…..

Her mom, let’s call her Cruella, is coming into the state this week for Thanksgiving.  Cruella THINKS she is so smart.  Cruella thinks she can control situations – when the reality is she is a crazy nutcase that we allow to believe she has won an argument simply so we can get away from her.  The last time I was in her presence, she threatened to sue both Hun and I into oblivion if we didn’t do exactly what they were insisting we do because I had the gall to say that Jetsam was overreacting to a situation.  (Jetsam had stated a nasal medication we were giving to Rowdy – for several months before this particular confrontation during which time she never spoke of having an issue with anything I might add – was being sprayed directly onto his brain and was giving him seizures – ummm…yeah….okay…..there is so much wrong with that statement I don’t even know where to begin…..)

Jetsam will not confront me on her own about this, she will wait until she has the backing and support of her momma behind her. It will not surprise me in the least if I get a phone call or a summons to present front and center (yeah right!  Like that’s going to happen!) to Cruella so she can fight Jetsam’s battles with me for her.  I’m prepared this time.  I’m not going to be ambushed like I was last time.  I have it all planned out in my head what I am going to say.  Let’s hope the confrontation (if there is one) plays out like I think it will.

If it does, you, dear readers, will have a field day of my misery – I’m sure of it!!

That Machine Can Do What?

I’m a dunce.

No really, I feel stupid.

I got schooled yesterday on how to work a copy machine.

So much for me being an office genius……or so they’ve been told.  I’m sure my office-mates are currently questioning if my raise was worth it.

Copy machines these days are more advanced than ever before.  I’m used to the things copying, collating and maybe – just maybe – if you’re really, really nice to it, it’ll also staple for you without jamming every other page.

Wouldn’t you know, I was shown what a truly moronic backwards hick regarding technology I really am.

Copy machines these days will not only do all of the above, but will also print in color, punch holes (3-holed paper will be going the way of the dinosaurs pretty soon), and probably more tricks that I’m not privy to just yet.

I also found out that if they are connected to the network, you don’t even have to get off your duff to print anything.  That’s right, if our jobs weren’t already sedentary enough, now we don’t even have to get up to copy anything.  Just point, click and sit back and let the printer do the work for you.

This is outrageous!!

Don’t developers know that the copy machine is the last frontier, the last sacred cow, where office workers have an excuse to stretch, visit and goof off – all in the name of waiting on the copy job to get done?  Do they really expect us to stay at our desks and keep our noses to the grindstone?  I can’t even wrap my head around this egregious assault on common office protocol.

Is there no respect anymore?

…..At least I now know how to tell the copier to handle my every whim……

If only the developers would create a copy machine that un-jams, reloads the paper hoppers all on its own, make coffee, pick up the mail and deals with those annoying customers all with a click of the mouse – then office workers would rejoice!!

The SomethingorotherPad

Technology has never been a strong calling in my life.

Just take this last weekend for example; I finally joined the ranks of those already living in the 21 century:

It’s with a heavy heart that I turned in my passwords to the dial-up internet we’ve been using for the last 5+ years.  <<hangs head in shame>>  Yes, you heard that right – DIAL-UP INTERNET (echo echo echo).

Why did we have dial up for all of these years?

Nostalgia?

Laziness?

Stubbornness?

Maybe it was a combination of all three…..

Mostly it’s because I hate the only company available in our area that holds the key to DSL access.  I know, another IT service – and you already know what I think about the evil minions of IT.  I won’t get into that again, but suffice it to say, my stubbornness kicked in once I learned they were the only company in my area authorized to provide high-speed internet access to my home……

So – I showed them!! HA!!  So THERE!!  I was content to live with my dial-up from now until eternity ….or….. another company came along to offer me what I wanted.

Until….

The Money Fairy appeared and made a deposit into my banking account.

The responsible adult in me knew I should spend the money on bills or savings or something responsible – while the little kid in me just wanted a new toy.

So – I compromised.

Half in savings and half spent on a bright, shiny, new laptop computer – with matching accessories!  Hey!  I am a woman after all!  I need my accessories!  Accessories such as a wireless mouse, upgraded security software (free w/purchase), CD Rom Cleaner, Windows washing fluid, and a backpack to haul it all in.  Okay – so a few of those items might be made up, but I seriously had a large haul leaving the store.

Including a brand new Netbook/IPad/Touchpad/SomethingorotherPad (heck, I can’t remember what the dang thing is called!).  All I know is its SHINY!!

And impossible to operate on dial-up.

You cannot turn on a SomethingorotherPad for the first time without wire-less access.  My less-than-accommodating neighbors all had their wireless networks locked down tighter than Fort Knox.  Cheapskates.

Hun suggested we take a trip to the library (closed) and sit outside in the parking lot, soaking up their free WiFi until the SomethingorotherPad is set up.  Pack everything up for a road-trip only to find out the  SomethingorotherPad refuses to acknowledge the library’s system – while the laptop does just fine.  Hun then suggests McDonald’s as an alternate location – back on the road we go.

Damn SomethingorotherPad will not, I repeat, will NOT log into McDonald’s WiFi either!  <<ARGH!!>>

Hun was just barely able to stop me from attempting to throw the bright, shiny, new SomethingorotherPad out the window.

Back home we trek, broken and defeated by the new technology…..

Until…..

I remember how the helpful, accommodating, probably-works-off-commission sales dude mentioned while picking up the new toys how easy it is to set up a wireless system inside your own home.  I had waved him away with a dismissive air, confident in my ability to remain on dial-up indefinitely if need be.   With a heavy heart and lighter pocket book, I slunk back into the store to ask more questions about my very own wireless network.

I am now the proud owner of a wireless system, set up in my very own home, by technology challenged little ol’ me, all by my little lonesome self!!  Woohoo!!           …..(oh, and Hun helped too)

I’ll have you know, I’m composing this entry, while sitting at my kitchen table, waiting on dinner to be done.

I’m so proud of myself!

Oh….and for those keeping track…..it’s now Vacation Count Down Day 23 and counting….

The Money Fairy

Flotsam strikes again.

No surprise there – he oozes contempt and superiority whenever I have to talk to him, which is approximately every 2 weeks – like clockwork.  Funny how that works when it’s based off of court ordered visitation.

Visitation between Flotsam and Buddy and I has been a source of contention ever since the judge signed the order for me to have sole custody w/Flotsam having limited, supervised visitation over 3 years ago.  Flotsam insists that his rights as a father trumps anything signed by the judge….the law be damned.  He also truly believes that money equals face-time when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

Last week was no exception – with a twist.

Flotsam actually paid child support!  Dun dun dun……

Getting child support at our house is like winning the lottery or the money fairy visiting – especially from either Flotsam or Jetsam as they allow their income tax returns to be seized or other such bulk payments to be made.  Hun and I are both supposed to receive child support for all of our kids – $250 from Flotsam (1 child) and $150 from Jetsam (3 children) – $400 per month for 4 kids.  Both Flotsam and Jetsam are around a year behind in payments at the moment.  We’re lucky if we see anything in any given month – it’s a good thing we never rely on this money to pay bills or to get the kids what they need/want.  Not receiving child support payments has never stopped us from allowing any of the kids from seeing their other parent, ever.  So, with this back-drop, here’s the long and short of things:

Flotsam called, left a message asking about visitation for the weekend and waited on me to call him back.  Once I called him back, he started right in:

Flotsam:               I’m glad you called back, how about visitation this weekend?  Also, did you receive a payment?

Me:                        What payment?

Flotsam:               You should have received a payment – did you not get it?

Me:                        I don’t know……I haven’t checked lately.

Flotsam:               Well, you should have one waiting – you’ll have a VERY good Christmas this year (several months worth of child support it turns out).  Being behind has really been weighing on my heart – so I get to see Buddy this weekend right?

Me:                        Technically, it’s not your weekend – visitation was supposed to happen last weekend.

Flotsam:               Oh…well, I’m sure we can work this out; after all, you OWE me a visitation with my son since I missed last weekend.

Me:                        I don’t owe you visitation, it’s your responsibility to remember when you are supposed to be visiting your son, not mine.  However, I have been thinking about the fact that you’re unable to keep track of 1^st, 3^rd and 5^th Sundays and would like to figure out a better solution – possibly going to every other weekend.

Flotsam:               So you’re telling me I can’t see my son this weekend even though I made sure you’ve been paid?

Me:                        Visitation has nothing to do with child support – we have plans this weekend when we had  planned on Buddy visiting you last weekend and next weekend, not this weekend.

Flotsam:               Well – you talk it over with your husband and see if anything can be done about this.  If you can see it in your heart to make accommodations to make this work, call me back.  I guess if I don’t hear from you, visitation isn’t happening.  <click>

At least I didn’t have to get into a long drawn out argument with him like I have been drawn into in the past.

On the bright side – the Money Fairy did visit us and was very generous.  While child support is supposed to be for the kids’ benefit, Hun and I have already supplied them everything and anything they might need in the last year – including a brand new band instrument for Buddy that Flotsam refused to help out in purchasing.  So….look out  world!  Momma’s going to buy her a new pair of shoes!!

I love the Money Fairy.

For those keeping track:  Vacation Count Down Day 24…….

Bubble Bubble Toil and Trouble

It was a dark and stormy night…..

No, wait – that’s not right.  Let’s try this again:

Once upon a time…..

Oops!  Wrong thread!

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times…..

Ugh!  What am I trying to say??

I know….

Sitting on the couch, typing away on my new laptop, everything in the house happening like clock-work on a quiet evening, when suddenly…….

Yeah!  That’s better!  Let’s continue in that frame of mind:

When suddenly, Monkey exclaims from the kitchen – There are bubbles EVERYWHERE in here!  HELP!

Sure enough, walking into the kitchen, there are bubbles flowing out of the dishwasher like a bad movie plot line.  Not quite ankle deep, but lots of bubbles anyway.  More, way more, than there is supposed to be flowing out of the dishwasher.

Wait….what?  Bubbles aren’t supposed to be coming OUT of the dishwasher?  Since when?  You haven’t been to my house lately have you?

Ahem….Anyway, back to my story….

I couldn’t help it – I started laughing at the absurdity that Monkey wanted me….ME….to clean up the mess.  Actually, I think she just wanted me to stop laughing as I was freaking her out (normally, I’d be yelling at something like this….I am evil after all), but I realized this was a small issue in the grand scheme of life.  And, AND!   If I played my cards right, the floor would actually get mopped tonight.

Sure enough, it was Buddy’s turn to wash dishes and he had even asked how much liquid soap to put in the dispenser before starting the dishwasher.  Of course, at this point, we all know that he put the wrong soap in the dispenser, but that doesn’t change the fact that there is now a huge mess to clean up.

And, since it was Buddy that screwed up, everyone else had to see for themselves that he actually made a mess on a grand scale and secretly be thankful it wasn’t them that had to clean up the mess.  Buddy took the news that he had a mess to clean up with good grace and listened and looked at the difference in soap containers so he’d be sure not to make the same mistake twice.

All in all, the dishes in the machine will have to be washed another 2-3 times to get all of the soap gone, the floor is now clean, Buddy has learned a valuable lesson for his future home, I learned not to take things too seriously all of the time, I got a good laugh in, and hopefully this brings a smile to your face as well.

Vacation Countdown Day 25!!

Vacation Count-Down – Day 32 – Seriously.

Walking into my new office on the first day of my new job, I was met with a huge welcome…..

.

And the news that I’d be on my own for an undetermined amount of time 15 minutes after walking in the door….

.

Seriously?!?

.

Seriously.

.

I’d like to say I lived up to my evilness and spread all sort of mayhem…but alas, I was my meek and mild alter-ego instead.

I did dig through the cupboards in the kitchenette area – it needs some help, like, a LOT of help.  Mom just thinks my pantry at home is a mess – it ain’t got nothing over this little area.

I also found the secret stash of Blue Bell ice cream pints hidden away in the freezer….good thing Hun doesn’t work there – those would have been gone before the end of the day.

I discovered the storage area needs someone with organizational skills because the file/copy room looks like Staples exploded in there.

There are plants all over the office area with yellowed, drooping leaves and vases without any water but full of ivy roots and cuttings.

I’m sure if I search hard enough, I’ll find a colony of dust bunnies pro-creating underneath the conference table.  Maybe I should inter-mix my colony from home so we can dilute the gene pool somewhat……

I have my work cut out for me and I’ve only been in the office 8 hours.

Of course, the irony that I got a substantial raise to come to this department and I spent the better part of the day scanning documents into the computer and cleaning out file folders (tasks usually reserved for interns and other peons) didn’t escape me either.

The *very* few phone calls I fielded left at least one caller frustrated beyond belief – a fact that my iron trap of a mind didn’t miss with the huge SIGH that greeted my attempt to transfer them to the person that could help them.

My “orientation” to the department was sprinkled with more comments of “You probably know more about this subject than I do” when my new boss was going over all of the legalese required by HR than actual learning on my part.

At least the few people I did talk to as they walked into the office actually knew who I was and was excited I was there.  The one person started jabbering away about everything *we* were going to talk about to change a portion of my job and talking like I knew exactly what he was talking about.  Great!  I don’t even know what my job is exactly and already it’s going to be changed.

I’m sure there is much more to the job than I’m currently not seeing, but right now I’m not sure if I can handle all of the excitement!