I’m “Telling” On You!

I believe Flotsam is back to doing drugs again.

I don’t think he’s been doing them long, but I have a sneaking suspicion that he has started back up recently.

Why might I think that you may ask?

Because he has a “tell”.  You know – that thing that most people do that gives them away when they are trying to get away with something.  That thing that kids do when parents instantly know they are lying.  Or the stutter that might suddenly appear when one wasn’t present before.  It is the reason why high-stake serious poker players wear dark sunglasses and hats to cover up their facial tics to avoid giving away their hands.  That type of “tell”.

Flotsam doesn’t realize he has a “tell” and I’m not about to tell him what it is – but I’ll share it with you so you don’t think I’m totally crazy.

As I have discussed before, I believe Flotsam is a sociopath.  He lies, manipulates and coerces to get his way.  There is more to the diagnosis of being a sociopath than just this, but these things are some of the major ones.  At the very least, he is a narcissist – which is bad enough.

The thing is – when Flotsam isn’t stoned, it is very hard to figure out what he is lying about.  He claims to not lie and to a point he is correct.  He just leaves out so much information and facts that it distorts the truth into anything BUT the truth.  For example – one time Flotsam told me that he and Buddy (about age 7 or 8 at the time) had a great time visiting one of his friends over the weekend visitation/custody time (back before I cut custody down to supervised visitations only). 

The truth finally came out because Buddy complained to me that his dad forgot him.  When probing further, it was discovered that Flotsam had taken Buddy on his motorcycle at about 1:00am to a “friend’s” house to hang out.  Buddy was so tired that he fell asleep there and by being such a “good” father, Flotsam left him there with people he didn’t know at about 5:00am.  When Buddy woke up, his dad was gone; he was alone with people he didn’t know, in a location he knew nothing about and was very upset. 

But I was the one that was in the wrong because I didn’t trust Flotsam not to leave Buddy in a dangerous location.  Yeah – he left our son at a probable drug house and because they had toys there, it was totally okay for our child to be there.  {I know you can see me rolling my eyes through the computer.}

So, I have experience with the type of “truth” Flotsam speaks.  I’m at the point that I almost automatically assume that anything coming out of his mouth isn’t the truth because something is missing and/or left out. 

Back to his “tell”.

When Flotsam is doing drugs (prescription drugs are his preferred choice), he cannot keep his stories straight.  He cannot remember who he told what and when he told them.  When he’s not on drugs, he knows exactly who knows what and when.  So, when he starts repeating information to me from 2 weeks ago like he’s never told me the information before – I’ve got almost a slam dunk assumption that the drugs are back.

He did this to me this past week – told me almost the exact same story he told me two weeks ago.  And it is pretty specific information – his water had been turned off and he had been dealing with getting it turned back on all week; that is why he hadn’t contacted me earlier.  The thing is – if it was really taken care of 2 weeks ago – would he really still be having problems with it being turned off again after less than 14 days?  It just doesn’t make sense. 

Like Judge Judy says, “If it doesn’t make sense, it’s not true!”

I spent the better part of 8 hours trying to figure out if I wanted to deal with the information that my ex-husband is probably back on drugs again and how I wanted to deal with Buddy regarding this information.  I decided to deal with the problem head on…almost literally.

When I called Flotsam back, I put him on notice that I suspected he was back on drugs and I just wanted him to know that I knew.  For the next 15 minutes, he protested, called me names, cussed me out, and attempted to hit every button on me that has worked for him in the past to get me to reveal why I thought that and to get me to admit I knew nothing of the sort.  Me thinks he protests too much.

I then told Buddy my suspicions and we formulated a plan for him if he ever felt like he was in danger with his dad.  I included the information that Flotsam might talk bad about me (which he did) and that’s okay – Buddy doesn’t have to say anything to his dad or me about that if he doesn’t want to.  At the moment, I’m not going to restrict visitation any further than it already is (supervised visitation at the public park across the street from our house), simply because at the moment all I have are my own gut feelings. 

But I am going to do everything in my power to make sure Buddy is safe.  If anything above makes me a bad parent – so be it.

Nuts

I just wanted to say….

You all are nuts.

You know who I’m talking to.

If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I’m not talking to you.

Yes, I’m nuts too.  I have come to realize that.

That is all.

Reconciliation

I’ve been absent for a while now on purpose.  Partially because of how busy my life has been in general – not to mention being sick – and partially because I needed to get my thoughts together.

Rowdy and I have reconciled with each other in a tentative type of way.  We still have a ways to go, but things are getting better, slowly.  There are days I still want to run away from life in general, but the private island, unlimited umbrella drinks and cabana boys are still out of reach at the moment.

So far, most of the people I have talked to regarding my issues with Rowdy have been very supportive.  I’ve had a few incidents where questions were raised regarding if I was doing the right thing or not, but overall, most people realized that sometimes extreme circumstances call for an extreme response.  It seems to have worked – Rowdy knows that I mean what I say and I say what I mean. 

Two weeks of me refusing to involve myself in his life have made an impact on him – mostly in his school lunch account.  Let’s face it – Hun loves his children, but the day-to-day care of some items are not high on his radar.  Me telling Hun and Rowdy that they’ll be responsible for taking care of lunch left Rowdy with about a week of growling stomach pains around the noon lunch hour.  The perils of crossing an Evil Step-Mom….or at least a stubborn one…

After our conversation that got us talking to one another again, the first question Rowdy asked me in a small, childlike voice was, “Will I have lunch money tomorrow?”

He was not amused with a roll of the shoulders and a “I dunno, maybe” response from me. 

We have a new hurdle to climb now – one that has become exposed due to our recent challenges.

It is the hurdle of respect.  We each acknowledge that respect is hard to come by for the other.  Years of being told that I’m not his mom and he doesn’t have to listen to me by Jetsam has left Rowdy confused about what respect towards adults, a mom in particular, actually means.  On the flip side, years of being lied to by Rowdy in the attempt to get me to treat him like his mom treats him has left me struggling to believe even the simplest of stories from him.

In the two weeks since I have disengaged from Rowdy, I did a lot of thinking and looking at my own actions with a microscope.  Not an easy task to look at yourself and your own shortcomings.  I have come to the realization that, to a point, Rowdy is right.  I treat him and his sisters differently than I treat my own son.  I don’t do this on purpose, but I do it none the less.

One of the biggest areas where I see the difference is in what I say to the children.  In Buddy’s case, I am very open and honest about my opinions and views regarding Flotsam’s actions and comments.  Because of this, Buddy knows exactly why I do the things I do in regards to his dad.  Any questions he has are answered as honestly as I can.  Opinions are stated as opinions up front – no disguising them as truth on my end.  Ugly truths are spoken and explained in age appropriate ways – there is nothing gained by sugar-coating a drug addiction or a sociopathic personality. 

In Rowdy’s case (and the girls), I am very close lipped about how I feel about Jetsam’s actions and comments.  Over the years, I have reined in the judgmental part of my personality in the attempt to not make the kids hate us any more than they already do for ripping their world apart as they know it.  I know what I think about Jetsam – it’s not flattering or positive – there is really no way to sugar-coat parental alienation or creating co-dependency in your own children.  But she had years to tell the kids how horrible Hun and I are and originally I didn’t think countering those ugly words with my opinion would be doing the kids any favors.  I subscribed to the line of thought, if you can’t say something good, don’t say anything at all.  After all, in step-family life we are often encouraged to speak nothing negative about the other parent – ever.

So, I have made the decision to be more open and honest about my true feelings.  I have the tentative approval by both Hun and Rowdy for this next phase of our relationship. 

I have already done a dry run with an example that happened earlier in the week with Jetsam.  I was honest, but mindful of my audience; open, but kind to the psyche of the child across the table from me; full of conviction, but truthful in my assertions.  Rowdy countered with his own opinions to my statements, but again – it was obvious that such a differing opinion from the one that Jetsam constantly lays down is new to him.  It’s hard to hear about personal responsibility when all you have ever heard is how it is everyone else’s fault.

Not worrying about bottling up my opinions to myself will help with my own stress level.  Hearing a different opinion, one that disagrees with their mom’s, might help the kids to see a different side of life.  I think this phase will be harder than Rowdy anticipates.  I know it will be harder for me in the long run (Jetsam won’t take kindly to me changing my ways). 

I’m hoping it has a positive outcome in the end anyway.

The Versatile Blogger Award

What!?!

An award?

Awarded to Moi?

Surely there must be some mistake!  Have you seen my life lately?  It’s hardly award worthy in my opinion – although I might qualify for an episode or two of Punked!  There must be some sort of strings attached – like dibs on my first born or something.

Oh wait – there are strings!  Here they are:

• Once you are nominated, you have been awarded the award.  Woohoo!!

• You are supposed to thank the person who gave you the award.

I am humbled that I have been nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award by Momknowsbetter.  Check her out – she has a wonderful sense of humor – necessary for being a mom.  Thank you Momma Margi!

• Include a link to their blog.

Check her out here.  Seriously – check her out – she’s great!

• Select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly.

I have included all of the wonderful blogs that I have been following for a while now at the end of this post.

• Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award.

Done and done.

• Tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

1. My first car is more famous than I am – it was featured in a local television Coca-Cola commercial back in the early 90’s.
2. At one time, I had dreams of being a costume designer, then a wedding dress designer, and…. then life happened.
3. During a crazy, unplanned point in my life, I saw the Gulf of Mexico, the Atlantic Ocean and the Pacific Ocean all in a 6 month time frame.
4. I have a hard time saying no to Hun (good thing he doesn’t read this blog too often!).
5. I’m always up for an adventure – you name it, I’m game – unless it involves heights, then I’m out.
6. I’m petrified of heights.
7. I still harbor a dream of one day being a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader (it must be the antibiotics I’m on talking since I have to be delusional to even think I even have a chance).

My nominees:

Notes For My Next Life – I have been following her since before she was a blogger – I love her writing!

Life with Becky – I am inspired by their story.

My 4 Daughters Plus 2 – For being so honest with her struggles.

Mommy Not Friend – I think I found my soul sister!

Daily Rumblings – I am striving to be more like her.

Blended Dad – I love reading his perspective on step-family life.

Not The Mom – She introduced me to WordPress – without her, I wouldn’t be here (I realize she hasn’t posted in a while – I hope she’s doing alright!).

The Life and Times of Nathan Badley – He cracks me up!

Never Say Never – I love her pictures – they brighten up my day.

Memoirs of an Evil Stepmom – I laugh at her accounting of events.

Something A Week – what an imagination this guy has!  Very talented!

Snide Reply – Love it!

Topicless Bar – The blog title says it all.

Kimberlyharding – soulhealingart.com – she is an inspiration to me.

To Be Frank – always brightens up my inbox.

I cannot tell you how humble this simple award has made me feel this week.  Between being sick and dealing with kids, Hun, work and life – this has been a very bright spot on an otherwise blah week.

Thank you.

Catch 22

As a step-parent, we are often caught in a Catch-22.

What ends up happening is we are expected to be one way by our spouse, kids, ex-spouse and society.  Then, when we act the way they expect us to, we are told, no – you can’t act like that, you’re supposed to act like this.  So we end up riding this pendulum back and forth and I for one am getting dizzy!

On one hand, we are told that we are to treat our step-kids equal to that of our own kids.  Seems fair, right?  After all, it IS the evil step-parent that allows their bio-child ice cream while telling their step-child they can never have any.  I would never think about allowing different standards to happen within the walls of my own household just because the child living with me didn’t pop out of me.  That is just wrong. 

Most decent step-parents feel the same way.  And this is fair that all children within the same household are treated equally – until – you get to the not-so-fun parts of family life.  You know the parts I’m talking about – discipline, morals, and treating each other with respect.

This is where the other hand comes in to play – we are told we are not our step-child’s parent.  We cannot and should not interfere with the parent/child relationship.  We are told to butt out and let the parent do the actual parenting.  We have no rights and no say-so in how the child is expected to act.  Any acting out by the child is expected to be tolerated, understood, and condoned.

This is not fair.  Not for the children involved and not for the step-parent desperately trying to treat the children equally.  This creates a divide inside the household where one child is expected to act one way while the other child is allowed to act in another.

It’s called attempting to have your cake and eat it too.  

This is where I am currently with Rowdy.

He expects me to treat him the same, if not better, than his own mom treats him.  He wants me to care about him, to worry about him, take him to his activities, to make sure he has proper clothing, food, medical attention and school supplies.  He wants me to be there for him in all aspects of his life.  Unless it comes to actions that he doesn’t agree with; then I’m not his mom, I can’t tell him what to do, I need to respect him and his choices, he hates me and he wishes he never met/knew me.  I must treat him like my own son, but he believes he’s allowed to treat me however he chooses.

What’s also sad is Jetsam feels the same way.  I’ve been screamed at in the past that I am not their mom, so quit trying to act like a mom – but when a medical question comes up she asks me my opinion on how to handle it.  I’m not their mom, but they need shoes.  I’m not their mom, so I’m not allowed to tell them I love them because I can’t possibly know how – yet, I’ve been told I don’t tell them I love them enough.  HUH?

Well, which is it?  Do you want me to care for you like my own child or do you want me to get out of your life since I obviously don’t belong in it?

I have been asked by other parents – how would I handle the situation if it were my own son?  That’s tough to answer.  If Rowdy was my own son, he would have learned a long time ago that Momma doesn’t put up with the disrespectful crap he’s been laying down.  The first time he did it, the consequences would have been severe – they were for Buddy.  Since Rowdy is not my own son, I cannot do the same thing – even if Hun agrees with me, Rowdy tattles to Jetsam and we have a big bruhahah over the perceived double-standard that I am being too hard on him.  So I am left with little option in a case like this.

The disrespect has become unbearable to me from Rowdy lately.  I cannot continue in the current way – something has to give.  We go round and round that if only I’d respect him first, then he’ll respect me – never mind that he’s 13 to my 36 – he knows more than I do.  I will not continue subjecting the other kids in the household to the attitude, disrespect and arguments that have become commonplace in the last several weeks.  My blood-pressure cannot handle it any more.

Yesterday, I put my foot down and made a decision.  Hun’s not happy about it, but he understands why I’m at this point and has agreed to back me up.  We’re less than 24 hours into the decision – we’ll see how it progresses as we go along.

What have I done?  I have disengaged from Rowdy.

He wants me to have never existed – he’s got his wish.  Anything he wants, needs, requests, asks for, begs for, comments on, etc – will all go through Hun now.  Barring a life threatening issue – I will not speak to Rowdy, I will not acknowledge his existence – I will act like he is not there.

It pains me to reach this point.  I love Rowdy and he’s great to be around when he’s not trying to push the limits.  But, he’s attempting to assert his dominance over me and it’s not going to happen.  When I laid out to him exactly what I was doing and why (with Hun sitting there), the full impact of what was about to happen hit him.  He knows that I do about 90% of the things that directly benefit him.  He knows he is losing out on a lot.  He knows because he could not hide the emotions on his face when he realized I was serious – prideful as ever, he still stated, “Good, I don’t care!”

I let him know that at any point he wanted me to re-engage with him, I would be more than happy to – but he has to apologize for his disrespect and attempt to work with me on improving it.  His response was, “Not until you respect me first!’

So be it.  I will respect him by giving him his space.  I hope he doesn’t take too long in realizing how lonely it is being on his own.

I’m Exhausted

I’m barely able to keep my eyes open as I type this.  I’m supposed to be eating dinner, but I’m afraid my head might land in my pizza and pepperoni in my hair probably won’t be a look that will be fashionable anytime soon.  I’d love to go straight to bed, but alas, I have more work to do.

Don’t believe me?  Here’s a snapshot of the next few months:

These aren’t even complete – this is just a quick outline of what I could remember off the top of my head.  This is how stressed I am lately. 

Here’s a brief outline of what you’re looking at:

• Coworker is out on leave of absence for anywhere between 4-8 weeks.  She’s allowed up to 12 weeks with FMLA.  So, I’m doing my job (that I barely know) and her job (that she barely trained me for – that she’s been doing for 20 years).  I’ve been doing 10 hour days for the last 2 weeks and that doesn’t seem to be ending any time soon.
• Dharma and Greg are getting married on June 9^th.  I am the official/unofficial wedding planner for the event.  When necessary, I’ve been spending time with Dharma finalizing plans when we both have a couple of free hours.  That’s worked out to about 4 hours total in the last 2 months.  The wedding is now 6 weeks away.  Her sister was going to be her Maid of Honor, but cannot make the trip from out of state, so I’ve been asked to fill in.  I am honored to stand up for both of them.  However, my dress is scheduled to come in May 30^th.  And it will probably need to be altered…..no, I’m not stressing about this at all….
• As the newly appointed MOH, I am now hosting the Bridal Shower (May 12^th) – which it just so happens to also be Mother’s Day weekend.  I didn’t think about that when I scheduled it.  Forgive me attendees!!!  Oh…and don’t forget to bring your lawn chairs….grass stains aren’t very fashionable either.
• I currently have only one working bathroom in my house.  This is my own fault (well…Hun takes some responsibility as well) that it hasn’t been completed before now.  My goal is to have it back in working condition by the 12^th for the shower.  Maybe I’ll make it……maybe.  If I do get it complete, you can bet you’ll see a post about it!
• This weekend is our city’s dumpster day – we are allowed to take a truck load of trash to get rid of for free.  We have a pile of things that need to go, especially since I’m hosting a shower in less than 3 weeks.  Did I mention that this weekend is also the weekend of our family camping trip?  Or that both boys have a band event Saturday morning that they are supposed to be at?
• The house looks like a tornado hit it.  At some point between now and May 12th, I’m going to have to do a major cleaning.  Yeah, let me pencil that in somewhere.  I can sleep next year.
• Not to mention attending kids’ school events that seem to pop up at the last minute, doctor/dentist appointments, coordinating visitation with Flotsam and Jetsam, Hun’s fishing events, and my Diva Dinners. 

I’m sure I’m missing other things that should be on my calendars, I just can’t remember what those things are right now.

So please forgive me if I’ve been slacking on my regular posting schedule.  I really do intend to post more, I just don’t know how I’ll fit it in right now.  I figure by the time all of this is over with – my brain will be in a puddle on the ground around me.  You’ll need to mop me up…. 

I promise not to make too big of a mess if at all possible….

Bluebonnet Retreat Cancer Camp

For the last 10 years, twice a year, I have volunteered my time to the Bluebonnet Retreat Cancer Camp.  This is a camp that focuses on, not the disease of cancer itself, but the fellowship of surviving and thriving through this diagnosis.  It is a time for the campers to be with people/counselors who understand exactly what they are going through, who can offer suggestions, a listening ear and a shoulder of support or just to cry on.  There is also hope offered for beyond the illness, beyond the uncertainty, and beyond the mind-numbingness called Cancer.

The weekend is devoted to the camper who has been diagnosed with cancer within the last 5 years.  All cancer types are welcome in any stage of their treatment – from newly diagnosed to remission.  The only restriction in attending camp is the camper must be able to take care of themselves.  The counselors are cancer survivors and volunteers as well and as such are not licensed as care-givers, but are there for companionship.  The camper can do everything or nothing that is planned.  They can create their own schedule and activities (if available) if they would like.  The weekend is provided to those selected to attend for free.

My life has been profoundly changed by volunteering at this camp.  I do not have, nor have I ever had, cancer.  Very recently (within the last year), an uncle was diagnosed with prostrate cancer, but before that, no one in my immediate family had ever been diagnosed.  I work at the hospital that sponsors this camp, but I am nothing more and I have never been, anything more than a glorified administrative assistant.  The thought of spending any time on or near the Oncology treatment rooms makes me wish I wasn’t employed by a hospital.

The people who attend this camp are some of the strongest men and women I have ever known.  Lifetime friendships have formed at this camp that carries a common theme among the attendees.   The fact that they have welcomed me with open arms into their circle when it’s impossible for me to relate to their struggles on a personal level just goes to show how awesome the group is.  I have celebrated with them the news of weddings, child-birth, graduations, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  I have also bawled with them when news reaches us that another friend has been taken by this disease way to early in their life.

So…..how exactly did I get involved in this worthy cause?  Good question!  I was volunteered to volunteer to be the craft director by my then boss.  She still pats herself on the back for having the “insight” to suggest me as the replacement.

I remember my first camp like it was yesterday – I was a bundle of nerves.  I didn’t want to disappoint the campers with a lousy craft during what is supposed to be an uplifting weekend.  We had decided the craft would be decorating bird houses and I had spent months gathering up supplies.  80 people would be converging on my craft room during 2 different sessions (40 in the morning and 40 in the afternoon).  I was warned ahead of time that the afternoon group was always shafted with not enough supplies. 

I was ready!

No I wasn’t.

I wasn’t smart enough to realize that 80 people would all want a fake bird, or more likely a family of birds, to mount on their houses – the 24-36 I had bought weren’t nearly enough.  I wasn’t intuitive enough to know that one camper in particular was a little off color (God rest her soul) – and that I would be asked to provide a bird “poop” prop for her birdhouse creation.  This same camper would bring to later camps spent gun shell cartridges to create “A Cartridge in a Pear Tree” wreath, make a pet rock instead of a stepping stone, and a pinewood derby car made out of horse-turds.  I found out after she passed away, most of her assets were donated to our camp for other to have as much fun as she always had – specifically with the crafts.

As the years have passed, so has my shock to the off-the-wall requests I receive from the campers to create their creations.  I have become quite good at suggesting alternatives to wacky ideas.  I have bit my tongue at hideous creations and have become creative myself in all manner of ways to always praise the end result.  I have dug up rocks and dirt in the courtyards, scoured the camp grounds for twigs, mixed up different colors of paint to get that just right shade, and burned my fingers on hot glue more times than I can count.  I usually come home covered in paint, glue, and glitter – exhausted but fulfilled.

Even with everything I have gained by volunteering at this camp, I can’t help but feel it is time for me to hand the reins over to someone else.  I have lost my internal drive to make sure the crafts are the best they can be.  I still WANT it to be the best, but I can’t seem to muster up the energy to make sure it happens.  The campers deserve better than my half-hearted attempt that I gave them this weekend.

Reality Isn’t Based In…. Well… Reality

One of the things I have learned in Step-Family life is that you cannot rely on anything to go the way you would “expect”.  Expectations take the backseat to reality – and sometimes reality isn’t based in…. well… reality.  The life of a step-parent is often times full of double meanings, hidden agendas and covert operations.  No wonder the life of a step-parent is so misunderstood in so many ways.

Let me give you some examples:

Behavior

On one hand, the step-parent is usually made out to be the villain for expecting the children to behave properly in the proper context – running around the play ground, laughing and chasing each other is fine – doing the same in a restaurant at dinner time is not.  We are told it’s not our place to suggest, tell or otherwise voice our opinions towards the bio-parent about any comments or concerns regarding the child’s behavior.  Any comments from the step-parent to the bio-parent (whether the significant other or the ex) is construed as criticism of their parenting abilities and opens up the wrath of the “real” parent.

On the other hand, the step-parent is usually expected to treat their step-child(ren) better than they would their own child and any deviation from that opens up the accusations that the step-parent is showing favoritism.  Or, if there are no biological children by the step-parent, the all too familiar statement of “You have no children, so you obviously have no idea what you are talking about” is thrown in your face all too easily.

Availability

Step-parents may be expected to bend over backwards to be available for their step-children.  Weekend plans may be thrown out the window at the drop of a hat based on whims by one bio-parent or the other.  The child(ren) may show up without the basic necessities – socks, underwear, properly fitting clothing – and are told to tell the bio-parent and step-parent that it is THEIR responsibility to make sure they have everything they need.  Never mind that the visitation before was spent buying everything the child(ren) need, only to be told they must take it with them as they don’t have what is needed at their other home.  Countless numbers of toothbrushes, toothpaste, deodorant, shampoo and other items are supplied – willingly at first – and increasingly suspiciously afterwards – when the same items are needed week after week, month after month.  After all, how many tubes of deodorant can a child actually go through in 4-6 days a month?

The step-parent’s income is regarded as disposable, extra, to be coveted by the other bio-parent with impunity.  That extra paycheck is to be spent on the step-child(ren) – didn’t you know that?

Emotions

As a step-parent, you are expected to hate the step-children – after all, that’s what all the good fairy tales insist on, right?  In most instances of turmoil within the blended family, the step-parent is looked at as the instigator and the cause of all of the problems.  After all, the bio-parents and children had such a perfect life going before the evil step-parent entered into the picture.  Daring to try and correct that assumption gets comments of “you’re NOT my parent”, “I don’t have to listen to YOU”, and “how DARE you try and replace ME as the bio-parent – the child only has ONE Mom/Dad and I’M IT!  NOT YOU!!”

Heaven forbid that the child(ren) is/are actually happy with the choice of step-parent.  They might suddenly be thrust into a whirlwind of confusion by the jealous bio-parent that insists that the child’s feelings are wrong.  They might be told that it is wrong to call the step-parent Mom/Dad or any version similar to that.  They might be told the new step-grand-parents are to be ignored.  They might be made to shove their feelings way down deep, hidden, and concealed – less the truth come out.  The step-parent is demonized and made out to be less-than-human.  After all, step-parents don’t have feelings, step-parents don’t care about the child(ren), and step-parents can take the abuse – no – step-parents DESERVE the abuse.

After everything listed above, is it any wonder that 2^nd marriages are more likely to end in divorce?

For what it’s worth, I have been subjected to everything listed above in some way, form or fashion.  In my case, I have the support from Hun that I need to overcome the trials and tribulations thrown at me.  It’s still stressful.  There are days I wonder if I will regret anything in the future that I’m doing today.  It sometimes makes me wonder if the sacrifices I make for my step-children are worth it. 

At the end of the day, I still say yes.

Hunger Games – A Different Perspective

WARNING!  This review may include spoilers.  Proceed at your own risk – you have been warned.

A couple of weekends ago, Dharma, Greg, Hun and I went to the movies to see Hunger Games.  Initially, Hun and I were opposed to seeing the movie due to our kids actively begging us to go see it.  After some persuasion by the others, we finally caved and went to see what the hubbub was about.  A little note, out of the 4 of us adults that went to the theater, I was the only one who read the series.  Everyone else was going into the theater clueless about what they were in for.

Two and a half hours later, all 4 of us came out of the theater wondering why in the world we wasted our money.

Both Dharma and I had horrible headaches from all of the “creative” camera angles.  The “action” sequences could have done with a lot less shaking and a whole lot more action.

Hun was bored out of his mind.  Half way through the movie, he was asking me if it was going to get any better.  Since we hadn’t gotten to the part about the Arena yet, I thought for sure it was going to get better.  At that point, even I was bored and I knew what to expect.  Sadly, I was wrong.

Greg, who is discharged Army and was deployed to Iraq twice, didn’t see the reasons for it being rated PG-13. 

Speaking of movie ratings….here are a few recent movies with the same rating:

Iron Man – Rated PG-13 for some intense sequences of sci-fi action and violence, and brief suggestive content.

Transformers – Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of sci-fi action violence, brief sexual humor, and language

Star Trek (2009 – the latest in the series) – Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action and violence, and brief sexual content.

Hunger Games – Rated PG-13 for intense violent thematic material and disturbing images – all involving teens.

YAWN!

If Hunger Games was “intense violent thematic material” then I’m Paris Hilton.  Both statements are huge exaggerations.

I get the fact that the whole premise of the book and movie is children fighting to the death.  I get that.  I’m totally understanding that the PG-13 rating is solely because of the teens killing teens element.  But the reality is, most of the “children” in the movie are 17 years old and look closer to 21.  There are a few token 12, 13 and 14 year olds on the edges – but they made them look about 9 years old – and only get a token amount of airtime.  The only young child they focus on is Rue (which is true to the book as well) and even her death is played down in the movie compared to the book. 

As this movie is supposed to be set years from now (after nuclear holocaust by everyone), probably the only redeeming aspect of the movie was the Control Room where the Arena is run from.  It uses current state of the art technology to create the different scenarios the contestants have to deal with.  I can one day see using the same technology in our real lives and am jealous that it is not yet available to us.

Now….on to how I really feel about the book and the movie (I’ve warned you in the past that I’m judgmental):

I thought they were both horrible.

As a heroine, Katniss isn’t this strong, daring, brave and self-assured person.  In the book, she is clueless about how and why she is going to do something and is basically making it up as she goes (it gets worse in the 2^nd and 3^rd books).  She’s mad at both Peeta and Haymitch for both seeming to know what is going on but not filling her in on the details.  She’s not in love with Peeta – something that, while isn’t totally glossed over in the movie – she uses him for her own gain throughout the book.  At least she feels a modest amount of guilt for using him the way she does.

I realize that people are going to argue with me that most heroes aren’t strong, daring, brave and self-assured people.  However, most people grow through trials and tribulations.  Katniss doesn’t.  I’m going to leave it at that for now, simply because this was my review of the movie and 1^st book. 

We took all of the kids to see Hunger Games this weekend.  I warned them that both Hun and I thought the movie was boring.  These are the thoughts of movie maker’s target audience:

LaLa – age 16, read all 3 books – loved the movie and can’t wait to see it again.  She thought it had just the right amount of blood, guts and gore.  She can’t stand watching the other movies I have listed above (we own all of them by the way).

Buddy – age 15, hasn’t read any of the books – thought the movie was good, but also thought the majority of the movie was boring.

Rowdy – age 13, read all 3 books – thought the movie was ok…parts were okay…parts were eh.  Specifically, he thought the Reaping was dumb. 

Monkey – age 11, hasn’t read any of the books – thought the movie was ok.  She’s not going to run out and read the books.  She’s not sure if she’s going to want to watch the next movie (she probably will, but only because LaLa will want to see it).

We won’t stop the kids from seeing the 2nd movie in the series.  BUT, Hun and I won’t be going to the theater to see it either.  We’ll wait until the movie comes out on DVD.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah….

I know – I haven’t posted in a week!   My adoring fans miss me….I think….

Sorry – I’ve been busy – you know….having a life?  Just ignore for a moment the fact that I’ve been playing Castleville on Facebook every night for the last week…

Plus…Hun took my laptop with him when he left town.  The bastard!  Left me with the slow-as-molassas desktop that has kid-cooties all over it.  The only thing it’s good for is playing games…and I’m seriously questioning that claim at the moment.

I have tons of things going on that I’m eagerly awaiting posting about.  Here’s just a sampling (maybe to pique your interest just enough to keep coming back?):

• My very own review of the book and movie The Hunger Games.  I know, I know – it’s been reviewed to death.  BUT – I have yet to see a review like I would like to post.  How’s that for a cliff-hanger?
• More musings on Step-Family life.  I have one post that I’ve started to type up 3 times and have scraped it each time.  I know what I’m trying to convey, but the words just aren’t there for me yet.  I’ll get it out eventually….
• Ranting and raving about my current work situation.  Why, oh why did I feel the need to change jobs?  Oh – right – a hefty raise was involved.  I guess I CAN be bought.
• Volunteering my time with a Cancer Survivor camp that I have attended for the last 10 years.  No, I don’t have cancer, nor have I ever had cancer (knock on wood), but it has turned into a very rewarding opportunity for me over the years.
• And a few other things that have been cluttering up my head over the last few weeks….

Just know that I haven’t forgotten about you….life has just gotten in the way like it usually does.

And….if you did forget about me – the reminder you just received drawing you back is part of my evil plan to take over the world….  Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!