Tag Archive: stress

Filling The Void

I’m in a weird spot at the moment.  Weird for me anyway.

My mind is blank.

There’s nothing in it that is causing me to stress, worry or plan.

I’m at a loss for what to do with this emptiness.

There are no future plans for me to work on currently.

There are no external events happening for me to stress over.

Nothing.  Nada.  Zip.  Zero.

So…what do I do with my time?

Nothing productive – I can tell you that!

I should be studying.  I’m not.  I should be planning the next home improvement project.  They’re already planned.  I should be stressing over what to do with Monkey over the summer vacation.  She’s 16, she doesn’t want to spend it with us, so will end up going to her mom’s house for most of the time – her mom will have to take over the stress this time!

I joined and was accepted into the Mastermind Group.  We’re two weeks in to the 12 week course.  Next week is my week to share what I am struggling with and what I would like help with.

I can’t figure out a good answer to that right now.

I’m happy with my decision to not change jobs – however, my current job’s management is getting on my nerves.  I have a coworker that needs help, but refuses to allow me to help her (I’ve offered multiple times); causing chaos in the office when her work is less than stellar.

Hun is stressed and depressed – but I don’t know how to help him in a way that will allow me to help (we don’t have the money for what he wants – a new boat).

We should be filing for bankruptcy – Hun and I have decided to hold off on that for now – we want to explore another avenue that won’t be available until August.

So…what to do…what to do…

I seem to thrive on my schedule being just a tad bit hectic – almost not enough time to finish everything – but just barely.  Now that it’s not, I don’t know how to fill the void.

I now know my passion is to create – but how do I handle the lull between projects?



There is something wrong with someone like me.

I just finished with a week off of work.  I had no plans, no agenda and no direction for the week.  It was a week off just to take a week off.  I had plans, a list to make sure I didn’t forget about anything important that had to be done (scheduled events), but nothing earth-shattering.  One morning, I didn’t crawl out of bed until noon.

So….why do I not feel refreshed?

I spent time cheering my kids on at band competitions, shopping with my sister-in-law, cuddling with my Hun and working on Christmas gifts.  I worked on some craft projects, did a little house cleaning and caught up on my recorded shows.

By all accounts, the week should be counted as a complete success.

But I feel unfulfilled.


I’ve been thinking a lot about the “Why do I feel unfulfilled?” question.

I started this post just to be posting something, but while I was typing, I discovered the answer to my own question.

I work best with a purpose.  I need a purpose in my life.  I want to know that what I’ve done (for the minute, day, week, life) has meaning and serves a purpose.

This week off had no “purpose” in my life – other than to use vacation time (my company has a “use it or lose it policy”).  I didn’t go into the week with any defined goals for myself for the week.

Yes….for me….defined goals do include “rest and relaxation” – when I purposely set my mind to that goal.

I had no set purpose or goals for the week – other than to use my vacation time before I lost it – I just took the time off to be taking the time off.

No wonder I feel so unfulfilled!

Going forward, I MUST set an expectation for myself for weeks like this:

  • Is the time off primarily for relaxation?
  • Is the time off primarily for organization/cleaning?
  • Is there a set agenda (vacation or other activity) dictating the time off?

While the time off may, at the core, be to use vacation time before I lose it, there must be a primary reason for my time to fill purposeful.

Hun thinks I’m too hard on myself.  He cannot understand why I don’t just relax and enjoy the week.


I can relax and enjoy – I just have to mentally plan for it.  My mind will not allow me to relax if it has 20 different things constantly screaming in the background that I should be doing “X, Y or Z” instead.

After being at my company for over 20 years, I have a ton of vacation time to use.  I have decided to begin requesting time off at regular intervals.  So I’m already planning on my next week off in a few months.  Another week off to just have a week off to use up vacation time before I “lose it”.

I plan on feeling much more fulfilled on my next scheduled vacation thanks to the insight that typing this post has brought me.

Thanks for the help guys!




Hun moved Rowdy out of our house over the Memorial Day weekend of 2015.

It was a Memorial Day weekend that I will not soon forget.

I don’t think any of us will forget that weekend.

The weekend wasn’t planned to be Rowdy’s last with us….it just worked out that way.

The weeks leading up to Memorial Day were tense, stressful and everyone was walking on eggshells….waiting on the other shoe to drop.

Rowdy failed almost every credit his Junior year in high school.  Not because he couldn’t do the work, but because he refused to do the work.  Everything Hun and I offered to him was met with resistance.  Bringing Jetsam into the conversations didn’t seem to help.  We offered many ways for him to redeem himself.  Things that were his idea, we agreed to try.  Things that were Jetsam’s ideas, we agreed to try.

Every time we turned around, it seemed like he was sabotaging himself and all of our efforts.

Lies and disrespect became his mantra, especially towards me.

These actions rubbed off on Monkey and she seemed to be taking lessons from her older brother.

Jetsam said she supported us, but her actions proved otherwise.  Several instances of her actively undermining us lead to another visit to our house by the police.

Rowdy called them.  He claimed we were abusing Monkey.

Four officers showed up at our house that day.  Every one of them asked me if I wanted to press charges against Monkey.  If the “assault” had been perpetrated by Rowdy, the answer would have been yes, but as the issue was with Monkey, I told them no.  I did ask them to thoroughly explain to both Rowdy and Monkey why what had happened wasn’t abuse, how they both were in the wrong and to please stick around because Jetsam would probably show up any minute.

The cops’ conversation with Rowdy lead to him screaming and cursing at them, including the captain of the force.  Surprisingly, he didn’t end up arrested due to his actions.  It also lead to the cops having a conversation with Jetsam (yes she did show up) and them telling her that she was interfering in our family life and rules.  She apologized to Hun.  I have yet to receive an apology.

Hun was at a loss for what to do about his son.

I told him that I had been warning him for years that he needed to figure out a way to get through to his son and now it may be too late.  That the attitude we were seeing from him now, at age 17, was formed years ago when respect towards adults was not insisted on at age 7.  Now it was his problem to deal with as I was “just” the step-mom and thus had no say in the issue.

I told him I supported his decisions regarding Rowdy.  I told him that I would never force him to choose, as one’s own child(ren) is/are more important than a second spouse.

Hun started to make a choice, but then hesitated because it was a very hard decision.

I reminded him that I also have choices.

I let him know that stalling, hesitating or refusing to make a choice would force me to make a choice.  Those that know me well know that once I make up my mind, I will follow through unless new information is presented to me.  Hun knew that I wouldn’t make the choice that would make him happiest, but rather would make me happy.

Hun chose to move Rowdy out of our house.  He made this decision 100% on his own.  I did not help him pack any of Rowdy’s things.  I did agree to look at the room to make sure Hun hadn’t missed anything, and pointed out several things that were missed.  I did not help load anything into the truck.  I refused to go with Hun to drop the items off.  This had to be Hun’s decision through and through.

I held Hun when he got back and let him grieve.

The report Hun brought back with him was that Rowdy and Jetsam were very upset went Hun arrived.  A comment from Jetsam of, “So you’re kicking your son out?” was met with, “I’m tired of him disrespecting us.”

Rowdy being gone has allowed our household to become somewhat normal.

We’re still doing the same things we’ve always done.  Work, sleep, eat and support our kids in their activities.  The only difference is we aren’t fighting to get one kid to go with the flow.

It makes me wonder if we did something wrong with Rowdy.  It makes me wonder if we should have tried harder.  I wonder if Rowdy will thrive with Jetsam.  I wonder if he will eventually try the same things with her that he did with us.  I worry about how his life will turn out. I worry that he will fall into some of Jetsam’s habits and tendencies.  I worry that we’ll not have a relationship with him going forward.

I miss him.  I miss his humor.  I miss his willingness to learn cooking.  I miss the sweet side of his nature.

Maybe someday he will miss us as well.

That Was Quick!


I already have another job.


I really wanted more time off.


I realize that I don’t have to start right away…..but at the same time, I don’t want to look a gift horse in the eye either!

At least I’ll have a week off to rest…..

PS…..I realized too late that I mis-timed posting my last post about quitting.  I did resign, but I’m still working and TODAY is actually my last day at the super stressful job.

Interviewed on Wednesday, offered the job on Thursday and requested to start on Monday…..told them couldn’t happen!  I needed at least a week off!  Currently scheduled to begin working the new job on March 30…..

Apparently my reputation precedes me and the new boss couldn’t wait to give me the opportunity to start working for her.


Into The Tunnel

We’re having issues with Rowdy.  This is an ongoing struggle – or battle of wills you might say.  At 16, almost 17, he is head-strong, stubborn and suffers from the same affliction that most teenagers do – “my parents are stupid and have no clue what they’re talking about” mentality.

Combine these traits and you end up with Rowdy.  A kid who thinks he knows how to handle life, will not listen to the voice of reason/experience, and is bound and determined to do things his way, consequences be damned.

A family member once said, “All teenagers enter into this tunnel around the age of 15.  You have to wait for them to come out the other side – usually around the age of 30.”

I never understood that comment until now.  LaLa and Buddy both seem to have missed the exit that takes kids to this tunnel.  Rowdy has entered into the tunnel head first, going full blast and insists that he likes the darkness just fine.  Monkey is not yet 15……she can’t decide if she wants to take the exit or not…..

Back to Rowdy.  He’s a good kid for the most part.  He’s not done anything too outrageous (yet).  What he is doing is failing school (everything….he didn’t pass any classes the first semester), and skipping class.  He was caught skipping school and that’s when Hun and I said – NO MORE!

I called a meeting of the parents – Hun and I, along with Jetsam and her boyfriend/fiancé – to attempt to figure out what we, as the adults/parents in Rowdy’s life, can do to help him.

Until this point, Rowdy had told Hun and I that we were too strict.  We were being too controlling and not allowing him to make his own mistakes.  Fine.  We backed off.  It resulted in him failing the first semester.

Talking to Jetsam (her boyfriend didn’t show up – that’s a story for another post), she agreed that something needed to be done.  She had no ideas on what that “something” should be.  I had one idea – if Rowdy would at least try and finish the school year as a senior, we’d allow him to take the GED test early so he could be done with school.  There were other conditions in there as well, but we also added bonuses – like allowing him to get his driver’s license.  We’d also allow him to fail and not graduate with his friends if he chose to continue acting the way he’s acting.

Miraculously, Jetsam agreed that this was a good idea.

I wrote out a contract and we met the next day with Rowdy to discuss the terms and make modifications as necessary.

Neither Jetsam or Rowdy wanted to make any changes to what Hun and I expected and were offering.  All agreed, all signed, all received a copy of the contract to review as needed.

It has been about 3 weeks since that meeting.  Some of Rowdy’s grades have come up.  Some of them have not.

I’m no longer worried about him graduating or not like I was before.  Rowdy knows exactly what we expect of him and he knows that we are here to help him if he wants the help.  But he has to want it and ask for it.

Hun and I also know that Rowdy has a mind of his own.  What he tells us is one thing and what he’s thinking is another.  I will not be surprised if he has another plan in mind all together.

Later Is Now

My organizational mission has followed me to work as well.

It had to – I had to get my job under control rather than it controlling me.

I spent one whole weekend doing nothing but cleaning out my desk and applying the principles in the book, “Getting Things Done” by David Allen.

I have felt more productive in these last several days than I have in many months.

Walking into work one Friday morning, I decided to water our plants.  That led me into our little kitchenette where our watering can is stored.  Just the act of walking into that little space made me want to reorganize it because I knew there was stuff in the cabinet that hadn’t been touched in the three years since I’d been in the department.

I started throwing stuff out:

  • Flavored coffee syrup that had been a Christmas gift from a client three years ago that no one had used.
  • Containers of coffee that hadn’t been touched in over 6 months (and wouldn’t be touched because no one in our office drinks coffee anymore).
  • Birthday candles – we work in a hospital – we’re not allowed to have open flames!
  • More decorative napkins than I could count (all colors and styles) that looked like they hadn’t been touched in 20 years.
  • Enough disposable serving utensils to furnish 3 home kitchens.

I started rearranging what was left.

Then I realized that no one had used the toaster in at least 3 years either and wondered why did it have to be out?  I noticed the cabinet behind the microwave (which is on-top of the refrigerator) that we can’t use because the microwave is in the way.  That would be a PERFECT spot for an unused toaster.

I opened the cabinet – it was like opening King Tut’s Tomb:

  • I found a box of powdered apple cider that had a “use by” date on the packages of 1992.
  • I found a box of powdered broth that I KNOW hadn’t been carried by the patient kitchen in 20 years. The package and contents felt brittle in my hands, it was so old and dried out.
  • There were Christmas cookie tins, glass flower vases, and cobwebs.

The kitchenette cleaned out, I moved on to another storage cabinet that hadn’t been touched in 2 years.

The Boss walked in as I was pulling boxes out, took one look at the mess and just said, “Huh.”

The first box I pulled had pre-stamped postage envelopes in it – with postage that was too old to use.  Into the trash/recycling it went.

Then my coworker joined in and we hit the mother-lode – two LARGE containers of Mardi Gras beads!  Why do we have Mardi Gras beads?  I have no idea!  Those were packed up and sent home for her kindergarten-aged daughter to play with.

We pulled more and more boxes out.

This one had disks for “Print Shop Deluxe” and AOL On-Line start up disks.  That one had racks and racks of floppy disks.  Then we found a bag of miniature cassettes for a tape recorder, but no recorder.  We found signature stamps for people who were no longer in leadership positions, but the stamps couldn’t just be tossed due to liability issues either.  I had tried to give the stamps back to the “owners” of the signatures 3 years ago, but they didn’t want the stamps.

Suddenly, the Boss was VERY interested in what we were digging up when I pointed out one of my first questions when first arriving in the office was – Why are there handcuffs in the drawer? (as I held up a pair of actual handcuffs that had been unearthed in a box).  That box held all sorts of office supplies and the Boss went digging deeper looking for treasures.

As they were digging, I formulated a plan.

I put the signature stamps in some zip-lock bags I had found in the kitchen, dug the hammer out of our office tool box and waited while they finished digging through the office supplies.

I handed the hammer and a stamp to the Boss and told her, “Here you go.  Go to town!”

She looked at me perplexed, “What do you mean?”

Me – “Smash it!  We have all been under a lot of stress lately and the fastest way to get out stress is destruction.”

Her – “Oh no!  I couldn’t do that!  You two go ahead.”

Me – “I’m serious!  You will feel so much better!”

She was finally convinced and we decided we’d better smash them on the floor to avoid destroying the furniture.

She took her first tentative swing – crack!  “Hit it HARDER!” I encouraged.  Suddenly she was smashing that poor, innocent, defenseless, signature stamp into oblivion.

She stopped, looked at me, and said, “That was awesome!  Your turn!” as she handed the hammer to our coworker.

Coworker tried to take her turn, but due to medical issues, couldn’t get down on the floor.  So I smashed the next stamp.  Boss commented, “Karaboo has NO hesitation swinging that hammer!”

I gave the last stamp-smashing opportunity to the Boss and she smacked the stamp so hard, the bag exploded and sent pieces of plastic flying while we laughed hysterically.

As we gathered up the broken pieces, the Boss looked at me with a wild look in her eyes and a grin on her face and said, “I can’t believe how good that felt!  You were right!  I think I’m going to have to go home and smash some more things!”

I just laughed and told her, “I told you it would help!”

I can’t believe how disorganized our office really is.  And this is after the office was totally cleaned out 2 years ago for a remodel.  Problem was, the junk and stuff wasn’t dealt with then, it was just shoved into boxes with a statement of – we’ll get to that later.

Later is now.  Later is happening.  Later is feeling great.

Busy, Distracted and Disoriented

It’s been almost a month since I posted last.  My how the month has flown by!

Changes in the wind have kept me busy, distracted and disoriented.

First things first though – I want to thank Kate over at Did That Just Happen Blog for nominating me for the Versatile Blogger Award.  It’s been too long in coming for me to acknowledge her faith in me.  After reading what I’ve been up to – I hope she can forgive me for not thanking her sooner.  I also hope everyone else will forgive me for not posting a follow up at this time for the honor she bestowed on me.  I plan on still getting to it, but with how things are going lately – I’m not sure I’m going to make it.  So….I’m sorry in advance – let’s just pretend that I nominated your blog, because I guarantee that I it would be listed!

So – why have I been so busy, distracted and disoriented?

Well….I have 4 kids first of all.  The three oldest are in high school, one of those is a senior, one is in Color Guard, one is in Marching Band, and all three are moody, sulky, sullen, attitude-oozing teenagers who have no interest in getting up early for the bus, staying late for practice or coming home to do homework .  Did I mention they’ve only been in school three days now?

The usual stress of getting everyone ready for school happened just like clock-work.  The only difference this year is LaLa lamenting about how this year is her “last” everything – to hear her talk, she’d gladly stay a kid forever and never have the responsibilities of adulthood.  Dream on little one, dream on.

Then we have my work issues that have also contributed to my being busy, distracted and disoriented.

We still do not have a director for our office.  Flora has been gone since mid-June.  We’ve finally interviewed a possible replacement, but we have not heard whether or not the job was offered to her or not.  Even if she had been offered and accepted the job yesterday, it would still be a minimum of a month before she would be allowed to start due to rules in our organization regarding director-level notices.

So – what have I been doing since mid-June in my stressed-out position?  I took my job by the horns and took as much control as I could with as much effort as I could.  I scheduled and attended training with other entities on my own.  One session that lasted 5 hours taught me more about my job in that short amount of time than I had learned over the course of 5 months.  The main difference was that I was trained on HOW to utilize the computer program we have to work FOR me rather than just being a database to store documents and run reports.

Don’t get me wrong – storing documents and running reports are a big part of my job, but it’s not the only aspect of my job either.  I was shown how to read and use my “work-list” generated by the program.  One day after learning how to understand, my list went from having 210 items pending to only 88.  Two days after learning, the list went from 88 down to 42.  Three days after learning, the numbers went from 42 down to 22.

This one little piece of instruction helped my stress level drop from “being in over my head” to “this isn’t as hard as I thought”.  Taking control of my own training was the best thing I could have ever done for my job.

My health has also not helped with the busy, distracted and disoriented issues I’ve been having.

In fact – my health has probably been the biggest factor in all of this.  It’s been almost a full month since my doctor prescribed me an anti-depressant.  I have not broken down in tears for a full month now.  It was a weekly, if not daily, occurrence before.  This is a positive in my book.  However, I’m still struggling with minor side effects and a total lack of energy or desire to do….well….to do…..ANYTHING.

This frustrates my kids, my husband, my dogs, my job, my chores and myself.  Forcing myself to just “do” hasn’t seemed to work.  There is no “do” umph for me right now.  Just doing the bare minimum is a struggle.  Showers are a must….most of the time….but there was three weeks in there where I did no laundry at all.  Not to worry….I didn’t go dressed in the same item twice during those three weeks – they were all clean cloths.  I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not….it may mean I have too many cloths….

We’ve also been dealing with financial issues that have kept us busy, distracted and disoriented.

Since being on the anti-depressant, I’ve been able to look at our bills and actually pay attention to them.  What I’ve known, but could no longer ignore, is the fact that we are in debt.  Not just a little debt, but in DEEP debt…..almost bankruptcy level debt.  I say almost because Hun and I have decided to make some serious changes to our life-style and attempt to dig out of debt first before we just “wipe the slate clean” so to speak.

This includes attempting to sell The Mistress.  She is currently listed for sale.  If necessary, we’ll do a voluntary return/repo to get out from under our debt.  Sure it will ruin our credit….but it won’t be any worse than filing bankruptcy anyway.  We may still end up filing, but we’re going to make a valiant effort first to avoid that route if possible.  We both agree we’ll learn some hard lessons better by going this route.

So….that’s my update for now.  I have a couple of really great posts fermenting in my mind that I’d like to share.

Now…if only I could find the energy to type them up….

If anyone happens to find my desire laying around anywhere, please be so kind as to ship it back to me – I’d really appreciate it!


When Fantasy Dictates to Reality

A few weeks ago, I had a whopper of a nightmare dream.

In my dream, Hun and I were talking in our living room.  Almost simultaneously, we looked at each other in horror, realizing it was 10:00pm on Christmas Eve night, the kids were in bed and we hadn’t bought a single Christmas gift for anyone.

The sense of sheer panic that overcame me in the dream is something that I can still feel all these weeks later.  Thankfully, I didn’t wake up from the dream in a panic attack, reality kicked in and I knew we still had plenty of time, but the feelings are still there none the less.

The logical side of me knows the dream is more symbolic than realistic.  I know that I’ve been feeling out of control at work, at home, and in every facet of my life.  The perfectionist in me is screaming that something is going to go horribly wrong – and what could be worse than having 4 kids wake up Christmas morning with no presents to open?  Probably, no really, a whole host of things COULD be way worse, but right now in our lives – no presents would be earth shattering to my kids.

That doesn’t change the fact that in years past I have had the season planned out well in advance of the calendar dates.  Hun and I used to go Christmas shopping for the kids in September, putting all of the toys on lay-a-way until November.  That left us with plenty of money, plenty of time, and plenty of holiday cheer.

Then Wal-Mart did away with their lay-a-way plan and things went all wonky for us.  Sure, it’s back NOW, but the years it was gone got us out of our system.  Trying to find our way back to a peaceful season has become a crazy notion.

Now, instead of spending the month helping the kids shop, putting up decorations and baking cookies, Hun and I are attempting to figure out what to get for our kids.  We spent several hours on Black Friday shopping for gifts – a tradition I had hoped to never start.  We have done this the past two years now, mainly because we were able to shop without the kids on this day in particular.

Forget shopping for the “deals” on Black Friday.  I prefer to shop without stress.  The crowds do nothing to help with that, but waiting until after 12:00pm on Black Friday makes the day a little more manageable for me.  Even Hun was willing to shop with me at that point to make sure our kids have a great Christmas.  Well…..as good as we’re willing to give them anyway…..

At 10:00pm on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, the holiday weekend is “officially” over for me.  As I sit here, I realize we have the tree partially assembled (half of the ornaments aren’t going on no matter how bare the tree looks and the angel still sits on the desk waiting to be perched), there are storage boxes strewn across the living room, the outdoor decorations might or might not actually get put out this year, and various presents still need to be bought and wrapped.

I also realize that we have “most” of the kids’ gifts bought, wrapped and hidden in the attic (done this morning, before they came home from Jetsam’s house).  Most of the extra gifts for family and friends have been bought and wrapped – or at the very least ordered on-line and waiting for the items to arrive.  Baking might not happen this year, but I’m okay with that.

So….even though I know my dream/nightmare will not come true, I really don’t see any reason to tempt fate either.  Know what I mean?

Deserted Island, Here I Come!

I hate work.

Seriously – I hate it.

I haven’t hated work this badly since….since…..I don’t know when.

I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know why I’m doing what I am doing, and I don’t know when that will change.

I’ve been in the job 8 months now and I feel like I should be further along in my training than I actually am.  The reassurances I am receiving from my boss that I’m doing just fine feel empty and patronizing.  The nodding head of my coworker agreeing with my boss directly conflicts with the very audible SIGHES I receive from the other side of her cubicle wall when another question comes up that I don’t know the answer to.  They have each been in their respective positions 20+ years.  While I have been in the hospital system for over 17 years, nothing has been as hard as this job has been for me to learn.

To top it all off, our office is about to also undergo a major renovation that is 20 years over-due.  New carpet, new paint, new furniture and new, additional stressors are about to be my new normal.

I am back to being burned out by all of the stress.  I cannot seem to function in even the most basic of modes.  I’m able to get some things done (showers are a must), but I’m thankful that I have a ton of work cloths – I haven’t done laundry for myself in 3 weeks.  Is this partially due to the low thyroid levels?  Or is it due to work and stress?  I can no longer tell.

I was at this point one time before – around 2 years after we received custody of Hun’s kids.  We went from a household of 3 to a household of 6 over night and I couldn’t keep up the “ideal image” in my own mind of what a wife and mother should be.  I had to tell Hun something had to give – what should I give up – being a wife, being a mother or having a job?  He wisely chose that my job had to go and I went PRN for almost 2 years.  Not necessarily the best financial move we ever made, but it helped me immensely in the mental department.

It used to be that when one area of my life was falling apart, I’d be able to retreat into another area to recuperate.  If work was horrible, home was my refuge and vice versa.  Unfortunately…..remember the post about the ceiling in the kitchen and me mentioning the bathroom remodel?  There is chaos galore at home right now – just with the projects that are waiting to be done.  And kids – Rowdy is continuing to test the boundaries (like we won’t find out that he’s lying!).

So….no place is a safe zone for me right now.

A forum I visit frequently posed the question of “If you had to spend a year on a deserted island, what 10 things would you bring with you?”  All I can think of in response to that question is – that would be heaven!!!

Would I be bored?  Eventually – sure.

Would I miss my husband and kids?  Eventually – sure.

Would I miss working?  Maybe.

It might surprise people to know that it would probably take longer than they would expect for me to actually miss everyone and everything.

Don’t get me wrong – I love my husband, I love my kids, I love my house (well….sometimes), and I like my job (usually – after all, I have stuck it out for 17 years).

I’m just tired, so tired.