Well – LaLa and Rowdy didn’t move in with us.

On one hand, I’m saddened by this.

On the other, I’m relieved that they didn’t move in.

LaLa:

I could tell that LaLa was on the fence about moving in with us.  She, instead, moved in with her aunt about 60 miles away from us.  Monkey made a comment that she was “afraid we would say ‘we told you so’”.  I asked LaLa about this comment and she denied feeling that way.  She stated she wanted to give country living a try as an adult.

The following information we got from Monkey – she’s our little private eye (and can’t keep a secret to save her life).  LaLa has a new, part-time job, close to where she’s living at.  We hear that she likes it and it’s easy.  I’m glad she has a job and likes the work.

We also hear that LaLa’s behind on her car payment (due to many factors) and may come and ask us for help in catching up.  Hun and I have discussed this possibility and we’ve decided we will help her if asked (with the money going directly to the payment and nowhere else).  But she will have to ask us.  We’re not mind readers and Monkey has been known to get her information wrong in the past.  I make sure Monkey knows when it’s okay for her to pass our discussions on to the other kids.

Rowdy:

I initially spoke to Rowdy with both Hun and LaLa present.  I let him know that there was a lot of history between the two of us and there was a lot of hurt feelings and betrayal.  He agreed.  I told him about having a similar issue with my own mom when I was his age and how she would comment to me “I just don’t know if I can trust you with what you’ve put me through”.  I told him that I heard this comment for years after I had shown that I had matured and grown up.  I let him know that while I would try to put the past behind us (it has been almost 2 years since he lived with us and he has grown and matured), there would be times that I would struggle to trust him.  He stated he understood and agreed that he hadn’t made life easy for Hun or me; that he had changed and would prove it.

I spoke with Hun privately and let him know that I had misgivings and hesitation regarding Rowdy’s words.  That Rowdy had always been good with words and I would be looking at his actions to see if they lined up.  Hun stated he understood and that he would be watching as well.

The weekend that Rowdy was scheduled to move in with us, both LaLa and Rowdy came by on Friday night around 5pm to pick Monkey up to go and visit with Jetsam.  Rowdy let me know his plans:  he was going to bring his mattress and cloths by on Sunday morning and would then go back to pick up his dog to bring back with him later that day.

I told him that was fine – but then “Karaboo” came out.  I commented to him, “You know, everyone in this house works.  I know you don’t have a job right now.  You asked us originally if we had a curfew and we told you no, that you just needed to be considerate of our work schedules.  I want you to be aware that we aren’t going to be just a crash pad for you while you hang out with your friends all day and we’re only a place for you to sleep and eat.  While you’re searching for a job, we have some projects around the house you can help us with while you’re waiting.”  He interjected a couple of times trying to tell me what his plans were for obtaining a job.  I told him, “That’s great, I’m glad you have a plan.  I’m just letting you know part of our expectations as well.”  He said he understood and left with LaLa and Monkey.

Hun came home late that night and as we were talking, he casually mentioned that Rowdy let him know that he’s moving in with his aunt.  “Whoa!  Hold the train!  What are you talking about?  I just talked to Rowdy earlier this evening and he let me know he was moving in on Sunday.  What changed?”

We compared timelines and what was discussed between me and Rowdy and Hun and Rowdy.  Rowdy called his dad about 2 hours after he spoke with me with his new plans.  I let Hun know about what I had said about expectations and repeatedly said throughout the weekend that my intention wasn’t to drive Rowdy away.  My conscience was eating me up.  While cautious about the whole situation, I truly want to mend the relationship with Rowdy and us.

Hun finally told me, “You said nothing wrong to him.  If us having expectations of him while he lives under our roof made him decide to live somewhere else, that’s his decision.  By his actions, he hasn’t matured yet and just expected us to accept his “plans” with no questions asked.  I was worried that him moving in would upset Monkey’s attitude again.  She’s calmed down since he’s been out of the house and I didn’t want that to blow up.  This is probably a good thing that he didn’t move in.”

He’s probably right.  It probably is a good thing.  It doesn’t ease my conscience as much as I want it to, but I accept that Rowdy made his decision.

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