Tag Archive: life project


The Importance of Self Respect

In my last post, I mentioned that I’ve been listening to a lot of podcasts lately.  One of the podcasts I’ve been listening to is Sean Wes and his Lambo Goals.  My cousin turned me on to these podcasts and I’ve really enjoyed listening to both of them.

One of his free podcasts (since I started listening to these, he’s made most of the podcasts part of a paid subscription), is titled:  6 ways to develop self discipline.

As with most podcasts I listen to, they are just background noise to my daily drive.  I am absorbing most of what I’m listening to, I just am not listening actively as my mind tends to wander as subjects filter through.  I know people who would claim this isn’t how I should be listening to these podcasts – but it works for me and I’m not going to apologize for it!

The day I began listening to this particular podcast, was like any other day.  Half my concentration was on the road ahead of me, the rest was partly on what the podcast was talking about and partly my mind wandering through other subjects.

Until the 6th way was discussed – then all of a sudden, I was all ears and concentration:

  1. Understand the Importance of Self Respect
  • 34:13 Sean: If someone you respect asks you to do something, are you going to do it? Of course you are, you respect them! Now, what about yourself? What if you tell yourself that you’re going to do something, are you going to do it? If not, you’re lacking self respect. It’s actually a deeper issue than just self-discipline.
  • 34:47 Self-discipline is saying you’re going to do something and following through with it, regardless of whether it’s comfortable or not. If you’re willing to do that for someone you respect and you’re not willing to do it for yourself, that means you have a lack of self respect.

I have struggled with self-discipline for years.  People who know me would disagree wholeheartedly – but it is true.  The reason there is such a disconnect from what others see versus what I see is exactly this:

If I tell THEM that I am going to do something – I do it.  I am true to my word.

If I tell MYSELF that I am going to do something – odds are not very good that I will accomplish my goals.

Why?

Because I lack self-respect.

I do not respect myself like I should.

Why do I not respect myself?  I don’t have an easy answer for this question.

In the past couple of weeks, I have had three separate sources mention “Impostor Syndrome”.  I have learned that whenever something is mentioned in my life multiple times, I need to research it – so that’s what I’ve been doing.  It resonates with me, but it isn’t the answer to why I don’t respect myself.

This subject of self-respect is elusive.  Researching it brings up a few articles, but mostly it devolves back to self-esteem.

Which is tricky – because I believe I have plenty of self-esteem – but little self-respect.  How can that be?

I am confident in my abilities towards others, but I am not confident in my abilities towards myself.

Examples:

  • Work – we need you to organize, collate and update this report that is 7 years behind; make sense of it; and get us current to satisfy regulatory requirements.
    • Me – no problem! (spends 2 weeks solid researching, organizing, collating and updating the report; emailing affected parties and prepping next 3 months of action plans to get the report current; assembling a process checklist so that others can do the same work in months to come without the report getting behind again.)
  • Self – you need to get on that elliptical, walk as long as you can (5 minutes is fine!), 5 days a week to improve your health.
    • Me – problem – I don’t want to get up that early. I work better when there’s no one home.  I hate having to get dressed in one outfit, only to have to change into another just a short time later.  I’d rather play on Facebook, Pinterest, or Candy Crush than crush it on an elliptical.

Why am I like this?  What can I do to fix myself?

I’m still working on it.  Like I said in my prior post – I am my biggest life project.

Accomplished

I’ve been away a while.  I needed to be.  I needed to figure out what I wanted from my life and what I wanted to do with myself.

I’m still a wife and mother.  I still work.  I still have a home, bills and everything that comes with life.

I still have depression.  I am still searching for my own happy place.

I have been listening to podcasts more and more lately.  I switched jobs back in August 2016, which has lead to a longer commute (funny how 3 extra miles gained 20 extra minutes to my drive time).  These podcasts focus on productivity, time management, business, and simplicity.

Simplicity – it seems like such an easy thing to accomplish.  However, the reality is that it can be very elusive.

So, as I focus on simplicity, the theme that has come up more than anything is goals for the new year.  Resolutions have never really worked for me.  I wasn’t sure why, but one of the podcasts I listened to brought some clarity to me and I plan on exploring the thought process in depth in the near future.

So, if I cannot seem to make resolutions work for me, how can I set goals for myself for this year?  I turned my thoughts to my friend Kate.  Over the years, she has focused not on resolutions or goals, but mantras; usually one word mantras that define the focus for the year for her.  The first year I met her, her focus was “Saying Yes”.  Yes to those things that scared her, yes to going out, yes to whatever life threw her way – it brought her out of her comfort zone and led to a ton of personal growth.

So, how could I do the same thing for myself?

I focused on what mantra I wanted to go with.  The one word that kept coming to me in all of my thoughts, dreams and meditations was:

Finished

Finished?  Why would this word keep coming back to me?  I looked around me – at the unfinished projects, unfinished goals, unfinished dreams, unfinished plans – and realized that the word was pretty close to what I needed to do in my life.

But I rebelled against the word “finished”.  It sounds so final.  So defeatist.  So done.

I’m not done.  I have a ton of things that I want to do with my life.  Done is not what I am.  I am my own biggest life project and I’m not done!

So I looked up synonyms to the word finished – and one word stood out to me – Accomplished.

I have projects that I want to accomplish.

I have goals that I want to accomplish.

I have plans that I want to accomplish.

Some of these accomplishments are one and done.  Most of my accomplishments in life are lifetime projects – only steps of which are truly accomplished.

Writing out all of my projects, goals and dreams led me to a long list of items I want to accomplish.  Some of them are easy, some of them are important and some of them are pie-in-the-sky wishes.  But it led to clarity in what I not only need, but want, to accomplish this year.

Accomplished

That is my goal for the year – to accomplish what I set out for myself.  I have 4 goals that I want to accomplish:

  • Study for and pass my certification test
  • Complete my mom’s flamingo project
  • Assemble and finish LaLa’s graduation blanket (it’s only been 3 years!)
  • Complete the crochet blanket I started 17 years ago.

I am going to accomplish what I set out for myself.

I can do this.