Tag Archive: life


Makes Me Wonder

I’m in a new job; and with the new job comes new people.

People who have not heard my stories for years on end.  People who have not been exposed to the craziness of my life, as it was happening.

And it makes me wonder.

Wonder about what they would say if I was another character in my stories.

What would they say to me if I was Flotsam or Jetsam relaying my tales of woes?

What would they say if I was LaLa, or Monkey, or Rowdy?

I’ve had this issue in the past.  Wondering if my side of the story I’m in is worthy of telling.  Wondering how the others in my life would tell the same story from their point of view.

Wondering why it matters to me.

And then the absurdness of my thoughts makes me laugh.

To the people I wonder about, I am the villain in their story.

The wicked witch.

And worse names that I will not relay here….again.

I wonder why I wonder.  Why I care what their side of the story is.

My side of the story is no less important than their side after all.

Different perspectives, different views on life.

Am I the villain?  Am I the misunderstood stepmom?  Am I the unlikely hero?

I am none of those things.  And yet, I am all of them.

Should I concern myself with their perspective?

Some days I think yes, some days I think no.

Then there are days like today that make me wonder why I worry about it at all.

I think that makes me empathetic.  Maybe.

I know it makes me human.

I wonder why it bothers me to think about things like this.  And then I wonder if any of the characters in my story think about me in the same way.  Wondering if I tell the story differently than they do.

Then I wonder why these thoughts pop into my head.  Why they swirl round and around.

It makes me wonder if I am crazy.  Or if I am normal.

And then the thoughts disappear, down the drain of my consciousness.  To be replaced by new thoughts, new wonders, new swirls.

Only for the thoughts to back up back into my consciousness, unannounced, unexpected, unlooked for; like a clog, spilling over into my new thoughts and ideas.

Begging to be dealt with, lest the mess be made larger by ignoring the problem of the clogged thoughts.

And so I wonder how to deal with the clogged thoughts.

And just like a drain, I release them, out, into the universe.

Sharing them with you.

Embracing My Personality

Over the years, I have done a lot of research on what type of personality I have.

It fascinates me and makes me wonder how much is accurate based on my own opinions, feelings and views.  I have taken the Myers Briggs Personality Test – both the formal and informal (i.e. free versions found online) multiple times and have been very consistent in my personality type:

Scores:

INTJ – 95% of the time

INFJ – 5% of the time

This means I have the following strong personality traits:

  • Introverted (I) – rather than extraverted (E)
  • Intuitive (N) – rather than sensing (S)
  • Thinking (T) – occasionally feeling (F) will make an appearance when I take the test – but rarely
  • Judging (J) – rather than perceiving (P)

Apparently, according to all of the websites I have visited, INTJ’s are the most rare personality type, making up only 2% of the population and as a woman INTJ, only 0.8% of the population.  Which means I’m pretty rare.

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What this means in general terms for me:

  • I prefer to be alone (introverted). I can be around others, but once I’ve hit my max, I CRAVE my alone time and will not be a very nice person if I don’t get time to decompress.
  • I follow my gut 90% of the time (intuition). This gut sense does take into account facts gathered and past experiences and I’m confident in my assessment in most situations most of the time.
  • I make most decisions based on facts and logic (thinking). If something isn’t logical, then don’t even try to BS me because I don’t have time for that.  Occasionally, my emotions will take over (I am a woman after all), and my feelings will rule – but it is almost always based on logical reasoning.
  • I make a plan, revise as necessary based on new information, and stick to it (judging). I hate to improvise unless my plan was planned in advance to allow for improvisation.  Example – don’t screw up my work day, it is planned and will frustrate me if something throws me off course.  But I can be totally relaxed and go with the flow when called for – like vacations: because vacations aren’t meant to be regimented (except in very specific instances – such as being on-time for a tour group).

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What this means for the people around me:

  • Me not wanting to be attached at the hip (to anyone) does not mean that I don’t like, love or care for you deeply. I DO have feelings and I DO take your feelings into consideration.  Since I say what I think and mean what I say, I expect the same from you.  If you do not tell me what you are thinking or feeling, then I can only guess based on my Intuition, which may be wrong since I have failed mind-reading class.
  • Speaking of Intuition – I can almost always tell when something is “off” with you. Maybe you’re having a bad day, maybe you have a secret that you’re struggling with, maybe you just found out you’re going to be a grandma – doesn’t matter, that intuition is almost always spot on correct.  If I’m asking “what’s wrong” – I do care about your answer and wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t want to know.  Usually, I’m trying to figure out how I can help you and genuinely WANT to help you.  If I don’t ask “what’s wrong”, then either I am unable to help you at that moment due to my own crazy life OR I don’t want to help you – 50/50 shot at either option.
    • Some people have been freaked out when I suddenly appear in their lives. I’ve shown up to too many places where people are genuinely surprised to see me because they’ve been thinking about me and/or wanted to talk with me, but didn’t make the time to contact me, for me to blow it off as coincidence.  What they don’t know is, almost always, I sense that they want to see me.  I’ve woken up in the middle of the night, wide awake, 10 minutes before an important text comes through.  I’ve walked in doors, to places I have no reason to be (other than sensing I need to be there), and greeted with, “I’m so glad to see you!  I’ve been thinking about you for 2 weeks!” – what they don’t know is, I’ve had the sense that they wanted to talk to me for that entire 2 weeks – I just didn’t make the time myself to go to them right away (I do have a life you know!).
  • Because I do my reasoning and thinking with logic, I can tell when what you’re telling me is nothing but BS and lies. Probably why I love Judge Judy so much – “If it doesn’t make sense, then it’s not the truth!”  Tell me the truth, all of the truth, and we’ll get along fine.  If you tell me partial truths, then be prepared for me to call you out on it.  I will know, and sense, and be severely disappointed in you that you feel this is a good course of action (which is to say NOTHING of how I feel about myself if I try to BS myself…..yes, I have done this, and yes, it wasn’t pretty in the end….soul crushing disappointment upon yourself is nothing to laugh at).
  • When I make plans with you, I expect you to follow through on whatever it is that we’ve agreed to. When you can’t follow through, tell me.  I can adapt and I can make alternate plans – just not if you won’t talk to me.

These memes are right on when it comes to me and how I think:

And lastly, how being an INTJ relates to me:

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There are days when I wish this roller-coaster ride called being a step-parent was over.

There are days when I wish it would never end.

One wish out-weighs the other, but not because of the kids.  Rather because the bio-parent in our lives makes things so much more difficult than they have to be.

Last night, Jetsam called a family meeting with all of her kids.  In the 15 years that I’ve been with my husband, this is the first time she’s done that.  It makes me slightly uneasy because something like this, based on past experiences, typically means that she is plotting something.

I shouldn’t let it bother me, but – also based on past history – whenever she’s plotting something, it always turns out negative for the kids; which in turn, turns out negative for Hun and me.

Just a few days ago, Jetsam attempted to press charges against me for abuse against Monkey.

That backfired on her because the police that came to investigate ended up filing a family violence report against Monkey for assaulting me the evening prior.  At Hun and mine’s request, we asked the officer to call Jetsam to explain the situation, as we knew she wouldn’t take our word for it.  I could overhear the policeman telling Jetsam over the phone, after explaining everything, “No ma’am, you cannot file charges against Karaboo because there is nothing to file charges against.  Monkey is the one in trouble because she assaulted Karaboo, not the other way around.”

Hun and I made sure that Monkey knew that the reason we didn’t allow her to call her mom on the night everything happened was because we were attempting to protect her.  We reiterated everything the police officer said, that if they (the police) had been called out that night (which Jetsam would have immediately done), Monkey would already be behind bars at the Juvenile Detention Center (JDC).  As it stood, now that her mom had called the police, there was still the possibility that she may go to JDC.  The report was now in the hands of the detectives and DA to decide if they wanted to press charges and go forward.

I was asked and I declined to write a formal statement for the family violence report.  In my discussions with Hun, my opinion was that I did not want my name formally on anything associated with this report.  I did not want Jetsam or her family to point to my signature and say, “SEE!!  Karaboo is DIRECTLY responsible for what happened to you Monkey!  NOTHING would have happened to you if she had not written that statement!”

It doesn’t matter.  They will blame me anyway.  No matter what the outcome is.  They will absolve themselves and Monkey of any responsibility.

Monkey acts like this entire incident is no big deal.

She acts like her mom is going to protect her and not allow anything to happen to her.

My question to Monkey is – if the person you have put your trust into has lied to you in the past, failed to follow through on promises and cannot take care of herself without assistance from those around her – what makes Monkey think she’ll come through for her now?

Maybe she ought to re-think who she’s placed her trust in.

Which is really sad and makes me cry to think about.  You’re supposed to be able to trust your mom.  You’re supposed to be able to trust your dad.  When that trust is broken, it affects all areas of your life.

I suspect that Jetsam’s next step is to contact Child Protective Services (CPS) against Hun and me since the police were of no help to her.  I’m not sure why I suspect this, but it would be the next “logical” step in her mind.  She’ll do anything to show that we are abusive, as she’s been claiming for all of these years.

I won’t be surprised to get a knock on the door and a CPS worker is standing there asking to come in.  It might surprise Monkey and Jetsam that I will not hesitate to let them in.  Hun and I have done nothing wrong.  We have nothing to hide.

My only fear/wish is that if that knock comes my house is actually clean the way I like it to be cleaned.

Let The Journey Begin

I am about to embark on a very exciting journey!

I have decided to open up my own business.  I have the general idea in place and am currently working through a lot of the planning stages of a venture such as this.

I’ve never owned my own business.

I have no idea what to do, where to start, or what to expect.

But that’s okay, because I’m not the first person to take on this adventure.  Others have gone before me and have paved the way.  I have countless blog posts saved for aspects of this business idea that I haven’t even thought about yet.

Everything points to starting with a business plan.

Plan?  Like in lists?  And expectations?  And getting down to the nitty-gritty details?

AWESOME!

I LOVE planning!  I LOVE making lists!  I LOVE details!

I don’t love not knowing what I’m doing.  Sigh.

That’s okay – these road blocks, speed-bumps and detours are not negatives at all.  They are there to make sure that I am considering all angles and my business will have the best chance for success!

Every negative that has been thrown at me so far has been nothing but another bullet point on my planning list to explore, learn about and incorporate into my business plan.

Will I be successful?

I have no idea.

Will I regret not trying?

Yes!

Will I include everyone in on my journey?

You betcha!

An Open Offer

Dear Rowdy,

Happy 18th birthday!

I wish you every success for this next year and for every year after.

To help you with your success, I would like to offer you a gift – a gift that will keep on giving to you, long after you read this letter.

I would like to pay for you to take the GED test.  It does not matter the cost, the day you say, “this is the testing date I am attending”, I will pay the cost of that test for you.

I know you can pass the test RIGHT NOW.  I am so confident in your ability, that if you say the testing date is tomorrow, I will pay for you to take it, no questions asked.

You may have doubts about your own abilities.  I do not.

You may ask – what if I fail?

So what if you do?  What is the worst thing that will happen?

The worst thing that will happen is you still do not have a certificate that employers’ want that shows you are capable.  You are no worse off than you are right now.  However, you will be slightly ahead!  You will then know what subjects you need to focus on to pass the test the next time you take it.  You will have a better understanding of what to expect.  You will be prepared and the next time, you will succeed!

…..I don’t believe you will need a “next time”.

All you need is the faith in yourself, the same faith I have in you, to take the plunge and take the test.

Despite everything that we have gone through, I believe in you.  I care about your future.  I want you to succeed.  I want you to be happy.  I want you to be able to follow all of your dreams.

I care about you and I love you.

Cousin:  Why do you let her get to you?

Me:  What do you mean?

Cousin:  Jetsam.  Why do you let her bother you?

Me:  I don’t know.  Maybe because I view myself as a strong person and she makes me question that.

Cousin:  Exactly, you’re a strong person.  I’ve never seen you let something bother you like this.

Me:  Because she makes me question if I’m doing the right thing, if I really am being a strong person or just being stubborn.

Cousin:  Oh.  I can understand that.

I had this conversation very recently and it has stayed with me, begging me to explore it more.

Am I being strong?  Or am I just being stubborn?

It’s a fine line.  One that I know has blurred in the past.

I tend to be stubborn about my convictions.  In my mind, that doesn’t seem wrong.

My opinions tend to follow along my convictions.  I know that my opinions are not necessarily right, just my opinions.

So…..why does it bother me so for Jetsam’s opinions to rub me so wrong?  Is it because her opinions are so different than mine?  Is it because she speaks her opinions so earnestly that I see myself in her?

I don’t think it is any of these reasons.

I think I have such a hard time because I know she’s lied about so much, that it is hard to discern when she is lying and when she is telling the truth.  I can totally relate to someone who is passionate about their opinions when it is based in facts.  It is so much harder to respect someone’s opinion if you’re constantly attempting to figure out what is a truth and what is a lie.

So, why do I let her bother me so?

Because I want to respect and honor her as the mother of my children, but I cannot respect and honor her because her attitude and opinions towards me goes directly against my own convictions.

So, what do I do?  For now, I’m going to keep following my convictions.  It’s what allows me to sleep at night.

Continuing my current theme of Jetsam telling us that she is going to get custody of Monkey.

Recently, Hun and I were having breakfast together one Saturday.

He commented to me:  “Do you know what I’m most worried about with her asking for custody?  I’m worried that we will be required to pay for her lawyer and court fees.”

Me:  “I’m not worried about that at all.”

Hun:  “Why not?”

Me:  “Because court costs for custody cases are very rarely assigned to the other parent.  It is on the parents to pay for their own fees.”

We continued eating and thinking.

Me:  “Do you know what I’m worried about regarding Jetsam asking for custody?”

Hun:  “What?”

Me:  “Not a single thing.”

Hun (shocked):  “Why not?”

Me:  “Because she’s not followed through on anything else, why in the world should we be worried about her following through on this?”

Hun:  “Oh”

I went on to explain:  “She hasn’t followed any of the original court-ordered requirements for her to get custody of the kids back, why should the courts award her custody now?”

I pointed out – she did not stay stable for the first 5 years that we had custody of the kids.  She even moved out of state for 6 months.  She has only been stable for the last 2 years because she’s living with her boyfriend.  The house doesn’t have enough room for everyone to move in with her if she was to gain custody.

I reminded him that a home-study would be required.

I reminded him that the courts would look at the original requirements and find that she didn’t follow the original court order.  That she signed off after only 6 months, rather than going back to court a year later.

I also reminded Hun that she had asked him, before stating she was going to take us to court, that she wanted him to allow Monkey to either move in with her (Jetsam) or in with her sister.  Jetsam knows there is not room for Monkey in her home – so she was hoping to seem “reasonable” by offering up her sister’s house as an alternative.  If Jetsam offers up this option in court, something tells me that the judge will not view this as a favorable deal.

I could be wrong – I’ve been wrong before.

However, if a parent is attempting to get custody back – stating the current living situation is horrible, but doesn’t have living space for the child and instead tells the judge they can move in with a family member – I suspect the judge isn’t going to go for it.

Now, Monkey is old enough to request to live with someone else.  This, the judge will probably listen to.  As Hun and I have told Jetsam before – we’re not going to pay the court costs to go through the hoops for the kids to live with someone else.  They already live with us.  We’re already meeting all of their needs and some of their wants.

I asked Hun – what exactly are they going to say we’re doing to “abuse” these kids?

That we don’t give them smart phones?

That we don’t allow Monkey to have unsupervised time with her 17 year old boyfriend?

That we don’t give in to their every whim and expect them to do chores?

If we end up going to court and if the judge orders that Monkey is to move in with Jetsam or another family member, then so be it.  We’ll follow the court order – just like we have done in the past.  Until then, I’m not worried about it.

I’ve been thinking about my last post.  About how I confronted Jetsam in front of the kids.  About her giving up on her children.

As I stated, it wasn’t said to hurt or with maliciousness – but I’m sure it hurt anyway.  I know it did.  But I also know that in their hearts, the kids already knew the truth.  It was like a scar had been ripped open, exposed, and there was nothing they could do about it.

This makes me hurt for these kids.  I would never have done half of what their own mom has done to them.  It makes me ashamed that I caused them hurt as well.

I’m not excusing my behavior.  Maybe I am.  I don’t know anymore.  Maybe reading the following, as a reader, you’ll understand better why I said what I said.

All I know is that I have watched lie after lie after lie be spoken against their Dad and myself.  That accountability from their mom was dismissed and all blame be laid at our feet.

Recently, Jetsam made the comment to Hun and myself that it wasn’t her fault that she couldn’t get custody of the kids back.  That she was requested to do unreasonable things by the court – things she couldn’t complete, hoops she couldn’t jump through – to get her kids back.

Of course, this was said outside of the kids’ hearing – when it was just Hun, Jetsam and I.

Some of the things she stated:

  • The courts required her to complete parenting classes. She couldn’t comply because she didn’t have the money.
    • This was the first we had heard about this requirement. We knew we had to attend parenting classes within a certain time frame of having temporary custody of the children – but we were never informed, nor did we know, that she was also required to do these classes.
    • As a mom myself – NOTHING – would have kept me from attending those classes if it was a requirement of getting my child(ren) back.
  • The courts required her to stay within the county. She couldn’t comply because it limited her job opportunities.
    • We also knew nothing of this requirement. Court was in one county – during the custody hearing, once the judge ruled that Jetsam needed to be stable for one year before considering giving custody back, she asked if it was okay that she was moving that very weekend – out of the county we were in.  The judge agreed.
    • This move wasn’t something that was forced onto Jetsam. She made the choice to move to a location that was miles away from job opportunities.  Hun and I are both VERY aware of the location she moved to – we both moved out of that area in our pasts because of the lack of jobs.  Jetsam had lived there previously as well – she knew what she was moving back into.

I guess the point of this is to say, she did give up on getting custody of her children back.  She did not follow through on any of requirements of the court that I’m aware of – except for one.

What I’m aware of: this is what the judge verbally stated in court:

  • Stable home for one year.
  • Stable job for one year.
  • Get rid of the loser boyfriend. (Judge’s words, not mine!)

What we weren’t aware of until just recently:

  • Complete parenting classes.
  • Stay within the county.

Based on her mode of operation – there are probably other stipulations that we are yet unaware of.

The only requirement that she actually complied with was breaking up with the boyfriend.  The others – she did not comply with based on her own statements or actual observations by Hun and myself.

In my view, she lied to her children.  She went so far to give up on them.  She disagrees with that assessment.

We’ll see if she actually attempts to gain custody of Monkey as she says she will.

On my last post, I had a reader comment:

Continue to be the bigger person, keep holding back. ~ Jassy

I understand this sentiment – I really do.  I’ve been holding back for the last 15 years.

When I stated I was going to live up to the names I am being called – that is only in their eyes….not mine or anyone else’s.

I’m not sure what made me think of this from all those years ago, but here is a short story on why I decided to go in the direction I’m now going in with Jetsam:

This had to have happened around 8-10 years ago…..

Flotsam and I were “arguing” one day on something having to do with Buddy.  I don’t even remember what we were arguing about, but he was getting frustrated that none of the tactics he was trying were working on me to allow him to do whatever hare-brained scheme he was trying to convince me of.  I’ve since realized that he’s probably a sociopath, but at the time, I had no idea and was just as frustrated with him because what he was saying wasn’t making any sense to me.

After about 15 minutes of the conversation going nowhere, in frustration, Flotsam blurted out, “You’re being a BITCH!”

This hit me at my core, I straightened myself up, looked him directly in the eyes and calmly stated, “You and I both know I am not being a bitch, but if you call me that again, I will live up to the name.”

He promptly backed down, apologized, and went another direction with his tactics.

This memory made me realize that I had never done the same thing with Jetsam when she hurls names at me.  I had never stood up for myself and calmly let her (and the kids) know that I’m not going to put up with that.

Hun and I talked.  We decided that it is past time for both of us to stand up for ourselves and not put up with the abuse.

Here is an example of an event that happened recently.  This was part of a larger conversation where Jetsam was once again blaming us for all issues related to Monkey misbehaving:

In talking to Hun in front of Monkey, Jetsam started spouting off (loudly) that we lied to gain custody of the kids (really??  She keeps bringing this up – we’ve had custody for over 8 years now).

Hun stood up to her and said, “You stood right here on my property and told me that your boyfriend was beating the kids hard enough to leave bruises and doing drugs.  You were fearful that his drug buddies would come by and shoot up the house because of how many problems he was causing!  What was I supposed to do, ignore that?”

Jetasm:  “I never said that!”

Hun (loudly and in her face):  “YES YOU DID!  You did TOO say that!  You were either lying then or you’re lying now – WHICH IS IT?”

Jetsam never answered his question, but instead changed the subject.

I pointed out to Hun later, after Jetsam was gone and we were in bed, that I was very proud of him for standing up to her that way.  He was upset that it happened in front of Monkey.  I agreed that it shouldn’t have, but even if Monkey never acknowledged it, she heard him standing up for her and heard her mom not answer the question.

The last conversation I had with Jetsam (also in front of the kids), where she was basically telling Hun that Monkey didn’t have to respect me, I told all of them, “Let me step in here.  You all keep calling me these names – bitch, whore, cunt – well, I’m going to live up to these names.  I’m not going to put up with it anymore.”

Rowdy happened to be in the car with his mom and tried to spout back, “No one is calling you those names today.”

Me:  “Doesn’t erase the fact that all of you have called me those names both to my face and to my back.  I’m just giving you what you want – me being a bitch.”

Jetsam (flapping custody papers in her hand):  “I’m taking you two back to court to get custody of Monkey.”  (Monkey, at age 15, is the only one she would be asking for custody at this point – Rowdy will be 18 in less than 60 days.)

Me:  “Go ahead, that is your right.  We’ve always told you that – we’re not stopping you.  Just like it was Hun’s right to ask for custody in the first place.  Just don’t give up on them this time like you did last time.”

Jetsam (angry now):  “I did NOT give up on them!  I have joint custody, just like it says in these papers!”  (rattling papers at me)

Me:  “Tell the truth – yes you did give up on them.  The court said we had temporary custody for a year and after that you had to show you were stable.  Those finalized papers show 6 months from the point of temporary custody until the time you signed off on leaving the kids with us permanently.  We never went back to court for another hearing – the judge didn’t make that decision.  You gave up on getting custody back.”

Rowdy:  “I’m not listening to this crap any more, I’m going to the park.”

Jetsam:  “You will stay right there!  You will not leave!”

There was a whole bunch more to the conversation, but that was the part I wanted to emphasize in this particular post.

Jetsam made Rowdy stay and listen to the rest of the conversation.  The part that she couldn’t dispute was the finalized dates on those custody papers she was so proud to wave around – like she knows more about it than we do.

In talking with Hun afterwards, I pointed out to him that Rowdy didn’t speak much after that.  He’s a smart kid; he knows that what I said was the truth.  It wasn’t said with intent to be hurtful, but it was stated matter-of-factly and to the point.

Who knows.  Maybe going this route isn’t the best idea.  Maybe I will regret it one day.  I can’t say for sure.

What I do know is this – ever since I have made the decision to not worry about what I am saying, I have had more peace than I’ve had in a long time.

Only time will tell.

I’ve debated for 3 days on whether or not to post this particular blog post.  Most people would say – if you have to think about it, then it is probably not a good idea.  Usually, that’s good advice.  However, there are exceptions to that rule.  This is one of those times (in my humble opinion).  At some point, my kids may have access to this website.  If they ever do, then I want them to know exactly what I was feeling and my thoughts behind those feelings.

Juliet:
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Many of us know this famous Shakespearian line.

We are taught from a very young age that words have meaning.  We are taught that words can be powerful and empowering.

Sticks and stones will break my bones
But words will never harm me.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sticks_and_Stones

Words can also be harmful.  And hurtful.  And emotional.

I’ve been dealing with harmful names and words being flung at both Hun and myself for almost 15 years now.  They are spoken by Jetsam; towards me, towards Hun, and within hearing of our kids.

  • How do you know she’s (me) not a child abuser? (This was flung when she first found out we were dating.)
  • What the hell is going on over there?  That woman’s son (Buddy) is trying to sexually assault Rowdy! (this was accused at the ages of 4 and 5 – and couldn’t have been further from the truth once we sorted out her tirade).
  • You’re a monster!  You placed Monkey in scalding hot water!  I’m taking her to the ER and you can expect a visit from CPS!!  (didn’t happen, both girls were given a bath together – Monkey had a diaper rash, which the ER didn’t even bat an eye at.)
  • You’re the cause of our marriage breaking up – you’re a whore! (Umm….I’m not the one with a 4th child that was conceived less than 6 months of splitting with the father of your children, who by the way, had a vasectomy before splitting with you.  Two weeks after our first date is when Hun found out you were 3 months pregnant.  Apparently, details and facts do not matter.)
  • You don’t love the kids as much as I love them!  (Because I don’t show love exactly the same way she does.)
  • You are selfish!  You only care about yourselves, not these kids!  If you cared, you wouldn’t have taken custody away from me and you’d let them move back in with me!  (Correction, the court took custody, after hearing both sides.  We don’t allow them to move back, because the reasons court pulled custody have not changed or ended.)
  • You’re a bitch!
  • You’re a cunt!
  • You’re a liar!

I’m so tired of turning the other cheek.

I’m tired of trying to be “the bigger person” and not lash back at her awful accusations.

I never lashed out at Jetsam, because I never wanted the kids to hear horrible things coming out of my mouth about their mom.

That seems to have backfired.  Big time.  At least at the moment.

All of the kids speak ill of their dad and me, some more blatant than others.  While they are entitled to their opinions, they are looking at this through a child’s eye, tinted with the lens of a parent who wants to be their friend and give them everything, without any boundaries.  We are vilified for setting boundaries, and consequences.  Of course any child is going to like a parent more who gives them what they want over the parent who taps the brakes.

So….because I’m vilified anyway – because I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t – I’m going to give them exactly what I’ve been accused of for almost 15 years.

I’m going to live up to the names they are hurling at me.

I’m going to be a bitch.

  • Oh….you’re 20, living at home, not going to school, not paying rent, not doing any chores we ask for your help with (being passive-aggressive towards us), and only responsible for your own bills? Guess what – start doing chores, start paying rent, or get out.
  • At 15, Monkey’s plenty old enough to start hearing our side of “the truth”. You’re mom’s a liar and here are the facts (spoken in front of Jetsam when she was calling me “that step-mom who Monkey doesn’t have to respect”).

I’m done playing Mrs. Nice.  I’m done being concerned with their feelings, when none of them are concerned with mine.

Screw that.  It’s time I respect myself for a change.

I’ve always been the person who spoke my mind – except when it came to Jetsam.  Out of respect for the kids, only because she is their mom, I held my tongue.

I know what tact is – I use it all the time in business.  I can be tactful – I have been tactful – I’ve been beyond tactful over these last 15 years.  I will continue to be tactful, while also not caring what happens to come out of my mouth.

I’m not going to worry about, “Oh….I shouldn’t say that in front of the kids.”

Why should I?  Jetsam doesn’t worry about what she says in front of them.  And they are her children!  After all – I can’t possibly love them as much as she does since I didn’t give birth to them.  Since that is their belief…..fine.  Everything I’ve held back all of these years will no longer be held back.

They think I’m a bitch now….