Tag Archive: dreams


Accomplished

I’ve been away a while.  I needed to be.  I needed to figure out what I wanted from my life and what I wanted to do with myself.

I’m still a wife and mother.  I still work.  I still have a home, bills and everything that comes with life.

I still have depression.  I am still searching for my own happy place.

I have been listening to podcasts more and more lately.  I switched jobs back in August 2016, which has lead to a longer commute (funny how 3 extra miles gained 20 extra minutes to my drive time).  These podcasts focus on productivity, time management, business, and simplicity.

Simplicity – it seems like such an easy thing to accomplish.  However, the reality is that it can be very elusive.

So, as I focus on simplicity, the theme that has come up more than anything is goals for the new year.  Resolutions have never really worked for me.  I wasn’t sure why, but one of the podcasts I listened to brought some clarity to me and I plan on exploring the thought process in depth in the near future.

So, if I cannot seem to make resolutions work for me, how can I set goals for myself for this year?  I turned my thoughts to my friend Kate.  Over the years, she has focused not on resolutions or goals, but mantras; usually one word mantras that define the focus for the year for her.  The first year I met her, her focus was “Saying Yes”.  Yes to those things that scared her, yes to going out, yes to whatever life threw her way – it brought her out of her comfort zone and led to a ton of personal growth.

So, how could I do the same thing for myself?

I focused on what mantra I wanted to go with.  The one word that kept coming to me in all of my thoughts, dreams and meditations was:

Finished

Finished?  Why would this word keep coming back to me?  I looked around me – at the unfinished projects, unfinished goals, unfinished dreams, unfinished plans – and realized that the word was pretty close to what I needed to do in my life.

But I rebelled against the word “finished”.  It sounds so final.  So defeatist.  So done.

I’m not done.  I have a ton of things that I want to do with my life.  Done is not what I am.  I am my own biggest life project and I’m not done!

So I looked up synonyms to the word finished – and one word stood out to me – Accomplished.

I have projects that I want to accomplish.

I have goals that I want to accomplish.

I have plans that I want to accomplish.

Some of these accomplishments are one and done.  Most of my accomplishments in life are lifetime projects – only steps of which are truly accomplished.

Writing out all of my projects, goals and dreams led me to a long list of items I want to accomplish.  Some of them are easy, some of them are important and some of them are pie-in-the-sky wishes.  But it led to clarity in what I not only need, but want, to accomplish this year.

Accomplished

That is my goal for the year – to accomplish what I set out for myself.  I have 4 goals that I want to accomplish:

  • Study for and pass my certification test
  • Complete my mom’s flamingo project
  • Assemble and finish LaLa’s graduation blanket (it’s only been 3 years!)
  • Complete the crochet blanket I started 17 years ago.

I am going to accomplish what I set out for myself.

I can do this.

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Ursula Is No More.

Today has been a very odd day.

I started out waking up at 6am in a panic over work related issues.  Things I can’t do anything about as I’m simply not trained properly on these things and I’m being pulled in a thousand different directions while still being asked to do the job.  I briefly considered getting up and going into work to try and “catch up” on work I’m not sure I can accomplish on a weekend.  I decided instead to go back to sleep.

I woke up to Hun telling me he was going fishing and would be back later.  Time – unknown.

I then went back to sleep and had weird dreams that can only indicate stress and/or uncertainty in life.  Dreams of shattering glass, run-away electric pianos, and 5th wheel RV trailers that magically follow a person home like a little lost puppy….wake up to find out it’s 10am, I’m stiff all over and daylight is burning.

Stumble to the kitchen, pour something to drink and try to get a bearing on life.  Plans of cleaning out the Suburban, scrubbing its carpets and wiping down the windows (we have an ice cream smear on one of the windows that make it hard to see through – dog nose prints on the others) are high on the To-Do List, but the motivation just isn’t there.

Instead, I helped La-La to assemble her mum for Homecoming in a few weeks.  It looks great, even if it’s not finished, and she’ll be proud to wear it when the time comes.  Monkey was still bugging me about receiving her birthday gifts we had yet to give her – her birthday was on Thursday, but our schedules have not cooperated.  I pointed out to her that Hun and Rowdy were both gone and wouldn’t she like to wait until they’re back before she opens anything?  She grudgingly agreed and instead went off to pout.

The phone rang and it turned out to be Flotsam, who wanted to speak with Buddy.  Overhearing parts of the conversation left me confused, until Buddy handed the phone to me – it seems Ursula (Flotsam’s wife) passed away at some point in the night.  Flotsam was calling to ask that Buddy be allowed to come to his house for visitation, today.  Buddy hasn’t been to Flotsam’s house in almost 5 years, so this is an unusual request.

The reasons for Ursula’s passing are not immediately apparent.  Answers won’t be available for at least 2 months according to Flotsam.  He hinted at a possible heart attack and then hinted at a possible drug overdose – either explanation are likely causes….so why was I immediately suspicious of something else, something more sinister?  No reason that I can explain rationally.  No reason that makes sense.  No reason to deny Flotsam’s seemingly innocent request – so why is my gut reaction screaming at me to just say no?

If it had been anyone else who had called me to tell me a very close loved one had just passed away, I would have been out the door before I had hung up the phone.  Why would I hesitate with Flotsam?  I can’t explain why – even Buddy doesn’t understand my reasoning and he’s dealt with his father as much as I have.  I’m so conflicted within my own mind about why I feel the way I feel.  Just the thought of allowing Buddy to enter Flotsam’s house fills me with dread and foreboding.

For better or worse, I followed my gut feelings and didn’t take Buddy over there.  I will make sure Buddy attends any Memorial Service they might have for Ursula, but only if it is at a neutral location.  For the foreseeable future, Flotsam’s house will remain off-limits to Buddy.

What a weird day…..  Please don’t let this be the start of an equally weird week…..