I’ve had many things happening of late that I want to write about, but it’s all so jumbled in my mind that I haven’t felt like it would be coherent to share with you.  I think I’m finally ready – but if it doesn’t seem rational, just know that I warned you!

Hun and I went on an honest-to-goodness vacation several weeks back.  It was wonderful, blissful, (mostly) non-stressful, and relaxing.  We went on a cruise with another couple, cousins from my side of the family, and just being the 4 of us, it was great.  We did what we wanted, when we wanted and with whom we wanted.

Before leaving on the vacation, I prepped my work and coworkers on what I needed them to do while I was away.  I actually left my job at “Inbox-0”.  I had NOTHING pending in my work email that needed my attention or would hold a mental distraction for me while I was away.  This is the first time I have ever left work without feeling like I was forgetting something or that my work would be more stressful when I returned due to unfinished business.  This added to my relaxed feeling while I was away.

When Hun and I returned from our trip, he came down sick – bronchitis with a vengeance.  And I received a text from a previous boss asking if I could meet with her.

She proceeded to tell me that she had a part-time job opening and she wanted me to be in the position, that I was the first and only person she considered hiring for the spot.  I was/am honored beyond belief that she feels this way.  I asked her for the chance to talk with Hun and to think about the offer.  She readily agreed.

The next day, I talked with HR – I suspected and it was confirmed by them – the new offer would affect my current position and there would have to be negotiations between the two departments for my time.  This wasn’t a surprise to me, but meant I needed to think through my options carefully and proceed with care – for my own mental health and well-being.

Before I could return home that evening, the start of a tickle on the back of my throat alerted me to the fact that now I was coming down ill.  My former boss is not one to wait and she texted the next day, while I was ill, wanting to know if I had an answer for her.  I let her know of my illness and asked to wait until after the weekend before speaking with her, hopefully I would be better by then.

Three days in bed allowed me time to think through my options.  There weren’t many that didn’t lead to increased stress on my part, in some cases enormous stress.  Hun’s one request of me regarding the job offer was that I not go back to the dark place I was in several years ago.  I’m just now coming back to “normal”; I don’t want to go back there either.

On Monday, I let her know of my “conundrum”.  We walked through all of the scenarios that I could potentially foresee.  I laid everything out, honestly, where the stress points would be and why and for how long.  She agreed, it was a conundrum and one that she could tell wouldn’t have an easily solved solution.

She finally commented, “So, if I want you to work for me, I have to be able to offer you at least what your current job is already giving you; so you would leave them and solely work for me, is that an accurate statement?”

I thought about it – yes, I guess so.

Without realizing it, I had negotiated my own terms into the job offer.

I had no intention of doing that – that isn’t me.  But it is something that brought me satisfaction once I realized that is what I did.

I’ve since found out that my old boss is unable to give me what I need to quit my current job and come back to working with her.  In the past, I would have moved heaven and earth to make a move like this happen, regardless of what my gut was telling me.  While I am disappointed (I love this boss!), I’m also relieved that it didn’t work out.  Not because I don’t want to move – I would in a heartbeat if the terms had been agreeable and met – but because I know the move isn’t going to bring on increased stress.

I am at peace with the entire process – so I know that this was the right decision for me at this time.  There are no worries, no wondering if I made the right choice, no wondering if I’m disappointing someone and what they think of me.  This is a new feeling for me.

I like it.