Cousin:  Why do you let her get to you?

Me:  What do you mean?

Cousin:  Jetsam.  Why do you let her bother you?

Me:  I don’t know.  Maybe because I view myself as a strong person and she makes me question that.

Cousin:  Exactly, you’re a strong person.  I’ve never seen you let something bother you like this.

Me:  Because she makes me question if I’m doing the right thing, if I really am being a strong person or just being stubborn.

Cousin:  Oh.  I can understand that.

I had this conversation very recently and it has stayed with me, begging me to explore it more.

Am I being strong?  Or am I just being stubborn?

It’s a fine line.  One that I know has blurred in the past.

I tend to be stubborn about my convictions.  In my mind, that doesn’t seem wrong.

My opinions tend to follow along my convictions.  I know that my opinions are not necessarily right, just my opinions.

So…..why does it bother me so for Jetsam’s opinions to rub me so wrong?  Is it because her opinions are so different than mine?  Is it because she speaks her opinions so earnestly that I see myself in her?

I don’t think it is any of these reasons.

I think I have such a hard time because I know she’s lied about so much, that it is hard to discern when she is lying and when she is telling the truth.  I can totally relate to someone who is passionate about their opinions when it is based in facts.  It is so much harder to respect someone’s opinion if you’re constantly attempting to figure out what is a truth and what is a lie.

So, why do I let her bother me so?

Because I want to respect and honor her as the mother of my children, but I cannot respect and honor her because her attitude and opinions towards me goes directly against my own convictions.

So, what do I do?  For now, I’m going to keep following my convictions.  It’s what allows me to sleep at night.

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