I’ve debated for 3 days on whether or not to post this particular blog post.  Most people would say – if you have to think about it, then it is probably not a good idea.  Usually, that’s good advice.  However, there are exceptions to that rule.  This is one of those times (in my humble opinion).  At some point, my kids may have access to this website.  If they ever do, then I want them to know exactly what I was feeling and my thoughts behind those feelings.

Juliet:
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”

Romeo and Juliet (II, ii, 1-2)

Many of us know this famous Shakespearian line.

We are taught from a very young age that words have meaning.  We are taught that words can be powerful and empowering.

Sticks and stones will break my bones
But words will never harm me.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sticks_and_Stones

Words can also be harmful.  And hurtful.  And emotional.

I’ve been dealing with harmful names and words being flung at both Hun and myself for almost 15 years now.  They are spoken by Jetsam; towards me, towards Hun, and within hearing of our kids.

  • How do you know she’s (me) not a child abuser? (This was flung when she first found out we were dating.)
  • What the hell is going on over there?  That woman’s son (Buddy) is trying to sexually assault Rowdy! (this was accused at the ages of 4 and 5 – and couldn’t have been further from the truth once we sorted out her tirade).
  • You’re a monster!  You placed Monkey in scalding hot water!  I’m taking her to the ER and you can expect a visit from CPS!!  (didn’t happen, both girls were given a bath together – Monkey had a diaper rash, which the ER didn’t even bat an eye at.)
  • You’re the cause of our marriage breaking up – you’re a whore! (Umm….I’m not the one with a 4th child that was conceived less than 6 months of splitting with the father of your children, who by the way, had a vasectomy before splitting with you.  Two weeks after our first date is when Hun found out you were 3 months pregnant.  Apparently, details and facts do not matter.)
  • You don’t love the kids as much as I love them!  (Because I don’t show love exactly the same way she does.)
  • You are selfish!  You only care about yourselves, not these kids!  If you cared, you wouldn’t have taken custody away from me and you’d let them move back in with me!  (Correction, the court took custody, after hearing both sides.  We don’t allow them to move back, because the reasons court pulled custody have not changed or ended.)
  • You’re a bitch!
  • You’re a cunt!
  • You’re a liar!

I’m so tired of turning the other cheek.

I’m tired of trying to be “the bigger person” and not lash back at her awful accusations.

I never lashed out at Jetsam, because I never wanted the kids to hear horrible things coming out of my mouth about their mom.

That seems to have backfired.  Big time.  At least at the moment.

All of the kids speak ill of their dad and me, some more blatant than others.  While they are entitled to their opinions, they are looking at this through a child’s eye, tinted with the lens of a parent who wants to be their friend and give them everything, without any boundaries.  We are vilified for setting boundaries, and consequences.  Of course any child is going to like a parent more who gives them what they want over the parent who taps the brakes.

So….because I’m vilified anyway – because I’m damned if I do and damned if I don’t – I’m going to give them exactly what I’ve been accused of for almost 15 years.

I’m going to live up to the names they are hurling at me.

I’m going to be a bitch.

  • Oh….you’re 20, living at home, not going to school, not paying rent, not doing any chores we ask for your help with (being passive-aggressive towards us), and only responsible for your own bills? Guess what – start doing chores, start paying rent, or get out.
  • At 15, Monkey’s plenty old enough to start hearing our side of “the truth”. You’re mom’s a liar and here are the facts (spoken in front of Jetsam when she was calling me “that step-mom who Monkey doesn’t have to respect”).

I’m done playing Mrs. Nice.  I’m done being concerned with their feelings, when none of them are concerned with mine.

Screw that.  It’s time I respect myself for a change.

I’ve always been the person who spoke my mind – except when it came to Jetsam.  Out of respect for the kids, only because she is their mom, I held my tongue.

I know what tact is – I use it all the time in business.  I can be tactful – I have been tactful – I’ve been beyond tactful over these last 15 years.  I will continue to be tactful, while also not caring what happens to come out of my mouth.

I’m not going to worry about, “Oh….I shouldn’t say that in front of the kids.”

Why should I?  Jetsam doesn’t worry about what she says in front of them.  And they are her children!  After all – I can’t possibly love them as much as she does since I didn’t give birth to them.  Since that is their belief…..fine.  Everything I’ve held back all of these years will no longer be held back.

They think I’m a bitch now….

 

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