Hun moved Rowdy out of our house over the Memorial Day weekend of 2015.

It was a Memorial Day weekend that I will not soon forget.

I don’t think any of us will forget that weekend.

The weekend wasn’t planned to be Rowdy’s last with us….it just worked out that way.

The weeks leading up to Memorial Day were tense, stressful and everyone was walking on eggshells….waiting on the other shoe to drop.

Rowdy failed almost every credit his Junior year in high school.  Not because he couldn’t do the work, but because he refused to do the work.  Everything Hun and I offered to him was met with resistance.  Bringing Jetsam into the conversations didn’t seem to help.  We offered many ways for him to redeem himself.  Things that were his idea, we agreed to try.  Things that were Jetsam’s ideas, we agreed to try.

Every time we turned around, it seemed like he was sabotaging himself and all of our efforts.

Lies and disrespect became his mantra, especially towards me.

These actions rubbed off on Monkey and she seemed to be taking lessons from her older brother.

Jetsam said she supported us, but her actions proved otherwise.  Several instances of her actively undermining us lead to another visit to our house by the police.

Rowdy called them.  He claimed we were abusing Monkey.

Four officers showed up at our house that day.  Every one of them asked me if I wanted to press charges against Monkey.  If the “assault” had been perpetrated by Rowdy, the answer would have been yes, but as the issue was with Monkey, I told them no.  I did ask them to thoroughly explain to both Rowdy and Monkey why what had happened wasn’t abuse, how they both were in the wrong and to please stick around because Jetsam would probably show up any minute.

The cops’ conversation with Rowdy lead to him screaming and cursing at them, including the captain of the force.  Surprisingly, he didn’t end up arrested due to his actions.  It also lead to the cops having a conversation with Jetsam (yes she did show up) and them telling her that she was interfering in our family life and rules.  She apologized to Hun.  I have yet to receive an apology.

Hun was at a loss for what to do about his son.

I told him that I had been warning him for years that he needed to figure out a way to get through to his son and now it may be too late.  That the attitude we were seeing from him now, at age 17, was formed years ago when respect towards adults was not insisted on at age 7.  Now it was his problem to deal with as I was “just” the step-mom and thus had no say in the issue.

I told him I supported his decisions regarding Rowdy.  I told him that I would never force him to choose, as one’s own child(ren) is/are more important than a second spouse.

Hun started to make a choice, but then hesitated because it was a very hard decision.

I reminded him that I also have choices.

I let him know that stalling, hesitating or refusing to make a choice would force me to make a choice.  Those that know me well know that once I make up my mind, I will follow through unless new information is presented to me.  Hun knew that I wouldn’t make the choice that would make him happiest, but rather would make me happy.

Hun chose to move Rowdy out of our house.  He made this decision 100% on his own.  I did not help him pack any of Rowdy’s things.  I did agree to look at the room to make sure Hun hadn’t missed anything, and pointed out several things that were missed.  I did not help load anything into the truck.  I refused to go with Hun to drop the items off.  This had to be Hun’s decision through and through.

I held Hun when he got back and let him grieve.

The report Hun brought back with him was that Rowdy and Jetsam were very upset went Hun arrived.  A comment from Jetsam of, “So you’re kicking your son out?” was met with, “I’m tired of him disrespecting us.”

Rowdy being gone has allowed our household to become somewhat normal.

We’re still doing the same things we’ve always done.  Work, sleep, eat and support our kids in their activities.  The only difference is we aren’t fighting to get one kid to go with the flow.

It makes me wonder if we did something wrong with Rowdy.  It makes me wonder if we should have tried harder.  I wonder if Rowdy will thrive with Jetsam.  I wonder if he will eventually try the same things with her that he did with us.  I worry about how his life will turn out. I worry that he will fall into some of Jetsam’s habits and tendencies.  I worry that we’ll not have a relationship with him going forward.

I miss him.  I miss his humor.  I miss his willingness to learn cooking.  I miss the sweet side of his nature.

Maybe someday he will miss us as well.

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