While I’m on the subject of personal development, I’d like to share something that surprised me with Buddy.

A few weeks ago, I took Buddy to get his driving permit.  We went to breakfast together and there he asked me important questions:

What happened in my marriage with his dad?  Why did we separate and divorce?

Buddy doesn’t remember anything from his dad and I being together.  I left before Buddy was a year old and we were divorced before he turned 2 years old.

The questions themselves didn’t surprise me as I always knew he would ask some day.  What surprised me was how long he waited to ask.  He’s seventeen years old.  I expected this conversation to have happened years ago.

I think it was a good thing he waited so long though.  He has the maturity to understand more of the answers than he would have if he had asked earlier.  He also understood that my side of the story was just that – my side.  I reminded him multiple times that his dad may have different memories or different feelings about what happened.

I answered all of his questions as truthfully as I could and with as many facts as I could.  If something was my opinion, I let him know that.  If I couldn’t remember exact details, I told him so.

Buddy was shocked to hear some of the things I had to say.  He kept saying – why would my dad do that?  I don’t understand….why?  Why did he do that?  I could only answer with – you’d have to ask him because I’ve asked myself those same questions for over seventeen years.

He asked if he could call his dad and I wholeheartedly agreed.  We did talk about if Buddy wanted anyone to listen to the conversation with him (since Flotsam has a habit of saying one thing and then denying it later).  After much discussion, he finally decided he wanted me to listen – even though I suggested that might not be a good idea (I didn’t want any bias to come through).

When Buddy finally called Flotsam, he asked him the same questions that I had been peppered with.  Flotsam seemed caught off-guard by the questions and deflected by saying they could talk more later, if only Buddy would come visit him instead of talking on the phone.  Buddy pushed for more answers anyway and Flotsam reluctantly answered by talking in circles but never actually answering the questions.  Flotsam praised me multiple times and overall seemed distracted by the questions.

After hanging up, Buddy was all grins as he turned to me and said, “He said really good things about you!”  I agreed, but asked Buddy, “Did he answer your questions?”

After thinking about it for a minute, he answered, “No, not really.”  I nodded and said, “I know he didn’t.  I’m not sure why he didn’t, but he didn’t want to answer the questions right now.  You may have to ask him again at some other point.”

Buddy shocked me again by saying, “No, I don’t think I need to.  I think I’m going to be okay with your answers for now.  You’ve always told me the truth and any cautions you’ve given me have always turned out to be correct.  I trust you and that’s what matters.”

I have an awesome son.  I’m so proud of Buddy and how he has matured over the years.

 

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