Because we hold our kids accountable to their words; and by extension their homework assignments; then we are horrible parents that expect too much from our kids.

That is the take-away I received from the conversation Hun and I had with Jetsam tonight.

Rowdy has a homework assignment due when he returns to school on Tuesday (from a long teacher workdays/holiday weekend).  When I spoke with him about it on Thursday (as the teacher emailed me about it), he said it wouldn’t be a problem and he’d have it done.  When Hun called Jetsam tonight to find out when Rowdy was coming home so he could complete the assignment, the battle was on.

She finally agreed to bring him home so he could complete it as we have the materials and she doesn’t.  Hun asked me to come with him to talk with Jetsam in front of Rowdy since I was the one who originally talked with him on Thursday about the assignment.

Rowdy told Jetsam that he just transferred into the class on Thursday and knew nothing about the assignment.  She agreed that it was unreasonable for him to complete an assignment he knew nothing about that the class has been working on for weeks.  When I pointed out that he told me that he knew what the assignment was, that it would be easy to complete in 30 minutes or less, and that the class had only had the assignment for less than a week, he openly defied that he ever said any such thing and that the assignment wasn’t as easy as that (despite what the teacher’s very email states).

Thus begins the cycle of what we deal with when Rowdy and Jetsam are involved.

As usual, the conversation with the two of them involved frustration and anger.  We’re horrible because we don’t automatically take Rowdy’s side, and by extension, Jetsam’s.  When I point out that Rowdy’s own statements conflict each other, I’m suddenly accused of using “big” words to make myself sound important.

Asking when Jetsam is going to hold her kids accountable is met with stonewalling and the subject changes to how Hun and I do not show the kids that we love them like she does.  Reminding Jetsam that the question was about accountability, not about “feelings”, is waved away and blown off as not important.  I’m then accused of not “listening” and “getting the point” about what Jetsam’s attempting to say.

The reality is, she wants me to agree with her and the truth is – I just can’t.  I love the kids very much – but I will not put up with them lying.  Rowdy is very good at it – and gets away with it with his mom.  He doesn’t get away with it with me and that makes him mad that I hold him accountable.  It’s bonus points for him that his mom agrees with him because then he can rationalize that he’s right and I’m wrong because his mom believes him, so he is right!!!

Because of this, she believes that so much of what’s wrong with the kids emotionally is directly tied to Hun and I and she doesn’t miss any opportunity to make her feelings known.  Tonight was no exception.

Twelve years, and we’re still getting slammed with everything wrong that has ever happened since the divorce and custody change.  Thankfully – we had finally convinced Rowdy to go into the house, so he didn’t hear most of what was said once the “conversation” ramped up.

Tonight was a little different however.  Tonight, the conversation twisted and turned about how I was the instigator and the entire problem, and suddenly Hun and Jetsam were screaming at each other about how the other was lying about what happened.  From my point of view – Hun was telling the truth because I remember what happened on the events they were talking about.

Then it was stated that Jetsam’s mom lied on the stand to the judge at the custody hearing.  She stated that she was “deeding part of her property to Jetsam, so she will never have to move again.”  That was a flat out lie because she didn’t own the property, so she could not deed something that she did not own.  The reality was Jetsam’s mom allowed the property to go into foreclosure a mere 18 months after we received custody of the kids; 18 months after telling the judge that Jetsam would never have to move again, and Jetsam made the choice at that time to move out of state because she had no place left to live.

Jetsam went through the roof that it was implied that her mom lied.  I corrected her and said we weren’t implying anything – her mom lied to the judge – plain and simple.

I was flipped off, told to “go F* yourself” and that I was a “c*nt”.  She repeated it multiple times while flipping me off, storming off to her vehicle and peeling out while she left.

Hun and I waited until she rounded the corner of our street before turning around and walking into the house.  He went and talked with the kids (because Rowdy and Monkey did hear some of the yelling and were upset with their parents yelling at each other – LaLa was gone to work) while I went and finished some chores I had been working on.  I talked with the kids as well and let them know that we do love them and are here for them if they wanted to talk.

Hun and I ended up meeting up in our bedroom a short time later.  He apologized to me for what his ex said to me.  I looked at him and just started laughing about the whole event.  I told him that her words had no effect on me – that resorting to name calling at that point meant that she couldn’t rationally argue her point because what we were saying was true.  We chuckled at the insanity of it all.

I’ve never been called a “c” before.  That’s a new one for me.

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