I’ve been meaning to write this post for several months now, but…well….see the previous post.  I’ve been busy!

We all know that everyone has their own perspectives on an event.  Even events where multiple people witness the same thing, often times they come away with different ideas, emotions and memories of the same shared experience.

This concept was hammered home to me just the other day with an event that happened at work.  I’m not going to go into details about it right now, but that event reminded me of this post that I’ve been meaning to write about for a while now.  From the perspective of one friend, the event didn’t go as planned.  From my perspective, the event didn’t go as planned for me either…..in the beginning.

Recently, a fairly large group of friends took a short, 3 day trip together.  This trip had been in the planning stages for 2 years.  Hun and I went as well even though from our perspective, we never should have gone.  You see, we’re struggling money wise – considering filing for bankruptcy even.  We had no business going on a “fun” trip.  We debated, we waffled and we finally decided to do it – even though everything said we shouldn’t.  We did pay cash, but we cringed hitting the submit button because that was money we could have put towards a bill.  And then it happened – three weeks before the trip, Hun was laid off work.  If it wasn’t for the fact that we had already paid for the flight and hotel room, we would not have gone at all.

From my perspective, the closer the trip came on the calendar, the more wary I was.  Things I didn’t know about before were coming to light that would have had me cancel the trip on our side far sooner.  About a month before the trip, I found out one friend’s parents were coming.  Now, normally, that piece of information wouldn’t bother me in the slightest.  We’re all adults – I’m almost 40!  But, this particular mom is the equivalent of my boss in my industry.  I don’t report to her directly, but she works for my company, in my career field, and I see her at work functions.  I DO NOT, under any circumstances, mix work and play.  I don’t want my work peers knowing what a crazy person I can be when I’m drinking and having fun – I’m liable to say things I wouldn’t say sober.  And I’ve been known to say crazy things when I’m sober!!

I know my friend will say, “My mom isn’t like that!”  I know she will say that because she’s said it to be before on something different.  I just shook my head because she wasn’t seeing my concern from my perspective.  She sees her mom as her mom – and rightfully so!  She would be 100% correct in saying “Her mom isn’t like that!”  But I’m also 100% correct in saying I couldn’t have fun and be myself with her mom present.  Not because of her mom, but because of her job, my job and the fact that I don’t mix work and personal life because I don’t need any help in people questioning how sane I am!

Another perspective that came up was that the trip had an itinerary that was created by one person.  Granted, she took ideas from everyone and placed those ideas in the itinerary based on those suggestions, but the final schedule was hers and without input from the other 9 people about if it would work for them.  There was even walking time included on the schedule (from place to place).  When I first saw it – I commented that the schedule was a bit unrealistic, especially the walking times.  I was told that they were straight from Google Maps and it would be fine!  What finally happened, about 6 hours into landing at our location, is what I feared would happen.  Trying to herd 10 people through a place that half had never been to, with thousands of things to look at in every direction, on a schedule that leaves little room for error, you’re bound to upset someone!

That someone was me and I wasn’t happy at all.  From my perspective, I had been planning this trip for years before we ever started planning this one.  There were very few things on my list of “to-dos” while there – a total of 3 items with an extra “freebie” if we had time/money.  One of those “must-see” items was on the schedule the first day and because of walking, the crowds, not knowing where we were going and having 10 people all wanting to go in different directions – I missed out on one of the shows I wanted to see.  I was very upset!  I was even more upset when one of the group came up to me and said, “I saw it!  It was awesome – lets go to the next show.”  Hun and I didn’t miss the show because we were goofing off – we received a text from LaLa, back home, that needed to be responded to.  When we looked up from responding – everyone was gone and we had to figure out our own way out to the show, which had us arriving 15 minutes too late to see anything.

The next show the group went to, Hun and I were “meh” about.  It was okay – but not something we would have gone out of our way to see.  If we had happened across it on our own, we would have appreciated it for what it was, but to be specifically taken to it while bypassing other things that held our interest far more, we were starting to get frustrated with the trip.  After all, from our perspective, it was our vacation to enjoy, not to be told what we were doing when and where.  We didn’t sign up for that!

While the others were finishing up viewing the show, Hun asked me if I was okay.  NO!  I wasn’t okay!  A lifetime planning this trip and I’ve already missed one thing I really wanted to do and I was fearful I would miss another.  Hun grabbed my hand and said, “Let’s go – I’m not going to have you miss out on anything else on this trip!”  I hollered to one of the group where we were going so they wouldn’t worry about us while Hun and I ran hand in hand through the lobby.

From the moment we broke from the group and did what we wanted to do, on our schedule, we had a blast.  Before we broke from the group, from my perspective, it felt forced and constrained.  I didn’t feel free to act goofy because Mom was watching and she had made a comment about one of her employees back home that I certainly didn’t want made about me in future circumstances.  I didn’t want/need comments made like that about me.  But then we broke ranks and I loved sharing the experience with Hun and a few others of the group at different points.  From my perspective, it became organic and free.  The day was full of laughter and relaxation.  If something caught our eye, we stopped and soaked in the sights and experience.  If it didn’t, we kept walking without a second thought.  We did what made us happy and whoever happened to be in the group with us at the time.

I’m really sorry that from the perspective of one in the group that the trip didn’t turn out as planned.  I’m really sorry that it appears she’s taken it as a personal slap that the group didn’t stay together for the entire 3 days.  Just because a trip like this didn’t work for us as a group, doesn’t mean the friendship doesn’t work.

It’s all about perspective.