What to post, what to post…..what to post?

I’m stuck.  I really want to post about something, anything, but I’ve got nothing….

Oh!  Wait!  I know!

Monkey is finally, FINALLY off grounding.  Finally!  Will it last?  Who knows?

She has been in some sort of trouble since beginning the 6th grade back in August.  She has not handled transitioning into middle school very well at all.  Between staying out late kissing on her “boyfriend”, to stealing, to lying, to disrupting classes and being disrespectful to everyone she came into contact with, we’ve had our hands full with trying to reign her back in.  Just a reminder – she’s only twelve years old.

I’m not sure if it’s a combination of having a compilation of punishments along with attending counseling sessions or maybe her just being tired of being in trouble, but we’ve finally got her into a point of being off grounded.  Will it last is the question.  I’m not sure, but I really hope so.

We had some of the same issues with Rowdy when he transitioned into middle school.  The big difference was his misbehaving was a slow simmer.  He’d get into trouble, take his punishment and then be off grounding for a little while and then repeat the process over and over again.  Monkey, for lack of a better description, exploded and then went super nova on us and kept exploding.  Hopefully, she’s burned herself out at this point.  We’ll know soon enough if I had to guess.

~New Subject~

Jetsam has moved into a new home/trailer.  The last time she moved was while we were in the Caribbean on our family cruise in December 2011.  I think this is a new record for her.  It used to be that she moved on average every 6 months, so the fact that she made it a full year is definitely note-worthy.  I haven’t seen the new digs yet, but Hun stated it was a slightly nicer crappy trailer in another, slightly nicer, crappy trailer park, just in a different town (thankfully closer to us).

What I can’t confirm is whether or not her youngest, Flounder, has been transferred to a new school district.  When she moved in December 2011, she moved to a new town, so I’m pretty sure Flounder had to transfer schools in the middle of the school year.  She’s moved again to a new town, so I’m pretty sure Flounder has to be transferred again.  The poor child is in 5th grade and has only had one full school year in the same classroom.

The same pattern is being repeated in their younger brother that we saw happening in our kids lives.  Being moved from school district to school district, never having roots, never having stable friends and falling further and further behind in school.  But we are the horrible parents that wanted more for our kids to the point we asked for things to change.

~New/Similar Subject~

Rowdy has implied to his teacher today that as soon as he turns 17 he is dropping out.  She in turn, concerned for his attitude, emailed Hun to relay the events.  When Hun and I confronted him tonight about it, the whole incident was shrugged off as no big deal by him; that we shouldn’t be surprised that he plans on moving in with his mom when he turns 17.

We’re not surprised by that statement (and told him that), but we did discuss with him that he’s choosing a path that will be way harder than he expects it to be.  Explaining the facts to him only riled him up and brought out more of his attitude towards us and how unreasonable we are towards him.  We discussed more about what he thinks will happen and he turned the conversation around to how horrible we are and how we ripped them away from their mom and made all of their lives mentally miserable (mentally is important here – he was being specific for a reason…..he knows that we provide him a LOT of opportunities that wouldn’t happen at his mom’s house).

He continues to excuse his mom’s actions about why she lost custody and how it’s all our fault.  He insists that what she says is the truth and that we’re twisting the truth to suit our own story.  Pointing out to him that maybe his mom is doing the same thing only causes him to state that is okay, but us doing it is despicable.

I finally asked him why does he take his mom’s words as gospel but says our version of the truth is all lies?  He commented that he’s heard the same thing from her for years and we’ve not said anything – so she must be telling them the truth because she’s been so open – right?  Us pointing out that we’ve done everything we could to not to say anything negative about his mom was met with disbelief and denial.  We countered that anything negative we might have said in their presence was tempered as much as possible and was probably more implied than outright spoken.  He didn’t deny this, but had a comeback anyway – he always does.

Rowdy countered back that he is living proof that what we say happened, didn’t happen, because he doesn’t remember any of it, but remembers everything that his mom has told him.  I informed Rowdy that there are studies out there that explore the subject of “implied memories” – that a person can be told a story over and over and over again to the point the person believes the story is actually their own memory when in fact it never actually happened to the person who believes it did.  I pointed out to him that I was in no way stating that he did or didn’t actually have these memories, he needed to explore that issue himself.  That he needed to do some serious self-reflection and decide if the memories he is “remembering” actually happened or if he’s just heard his mom recount them so often that he “believes” they happened.

I pointed out to Rowdy, again, that Hun and I do not regret taking them out of their mom’s house, no matter how much they may actually hate us right now.  That I would much rather they hate us now, rather than when they become an adult and ask us, “Why didn’t you do anything back then?”  He had no response to that.

The conversation isn’t over and the issue isn’t dead – not by a long shot.  As Hun said tonight, Rowdy will probably be 30 years old before he realizes that we’re not out to make his life miserable.

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