I’m trying to figure out something positive to post for the New Year….

I’m struggling to put it mildly.

It seems that the “miracle” of Christmas was short-lived and reality has snuck back in.  Monkey continues to push all boundaries and has succeeded in getting herself suspended from school for a day.  Hun wants to continue to hide his head in the sand regarding his daughter’s behavior, while claiming he’s dealing with it in a less than direct way, and Jetsam wants to blame us for all of Monkey’s choices.

Flotsam hasn’t seen his son since Ursula’s funeral (September 23rd).  He continues to call Buddy up on a semi-regular basis to cry his sob story on why visitation won’t happen this weekend, again.  The conversations last all of 5 minutes if Flotsam’s in a particularly chatty mood.  I get that he might possibly be depressed from his wife’s passing – if it weren’t for the fact that this was standard operating procedure from him for the years before he met and married her.  It’s probably been over a year since I’ve seen any child support from him.

Work continues to be challenging in more ways than I can count.  I had a post all ready to go the other day regarding my job and my struggles in it, but cyber-space ate it.  I can’t even complain properly it seems.

To top it all off, Hun and I got into such a serious argument this morning that he actually asked me at one point if I’m going to divorce him.  Divorce him over what we were currently arguing about?  No.  Divorce him because I commented that if I left the house this morning when we were both demanding the other leave, that I wouldn’t be back for a very long time?  No.  Considering my options on what I’ve been going through regarding his/our kids and our overall household stress, and the lack of support from Hun towards me regarding his kids?  Yes.

I can’t say that I haven’t been thinking back to when I was a single mom and how less stressful my life was when I was only responsible for myself and Buddy.  I think about the fact that I was making less than half of what I currently make now and was able to survive a pretty decent life.  I think about a lot of things, all of the time, but I’m nowhere near ready to act on my thoughts.  I have asked myself recently what it would take to actually get me to the point of stating, “I want a divorce”.  I don’t have an answer for that because I’m not there yet.  Not by a long shot.

Are things heading that way?  That depends on the moment.  So far the moments leaning towards divorce are few and far between and I intend to keep it that way to the best of my ability.

On one hand, I know I would survive just fine without Hun and his children in my life.  However, I would be sad and depressed beyond belief because as much as they all frustrate me at any given moment, I still love each and every one of them.

On the other hand, I know that the teenage years are usually the most stressful for any parent/marriage.  I witnessed my own parents fighting like Hun and I did this morning.  There was one argument that was so bad that it had Greg and I asking each other who the other would go with if Mom and Dad actually divorced.

Mom and Dad survived it – so will Hun and I.

At least – I hope so….

I did think of a positive comment – Monkey has started counseling and so have I.  We’ve each been to one appointment so far.

At least it’s a start – right?