Continuing with my thoughts on blending our families…..what you’ve all been waiting for – my faults and confessions.

Umm….

Err…..

Faults….faults….I know I have some around here somewhere…..

Let’s see….I have….umm…..

Shoot!  Where’s Hun when I need him?  He’ll be able to list all of my faults for me without even blinking an eye….

Okay, okay – my faults:

I never think I am wrong and I have a hard time admitting it when I am when it comes to my family.  I can admit fault at work all day long, but admitting that I just royally screwed up to the kids or to Hun – that makes me want to gouge my eyes out.  But, I do it when I realize I am wrong.  I suck it up and make my apologies, even if I dread every word coming out of my mouth.  I have to realize I’m wrong though.  People have to either point out the subtle mistakes to me or the mistake was so egregious and blatant that I cannot ignore it on my own.

Of course, this also means I am passionate about my beliefs.

I am a perfectionist.  Not only do I expect myself and everything I touch to be perfect, I sometimes have a hard time not expecting the same from other people.  Sometimes the perfectionism in me will cause me to freeze up on actions I should be doing – if I can’t do it perfectly – why do it at all?  A certain bathroom remodel comes to mind here…..  If you don’t know what I’m referring to, maybe I’ll blog about it someday – not one of my finer moments – although it will be greatness when it is finally complete!

This means you can also count on me to do a good job at anything I set out to do.

I am judgmental.  I can be judge, jury and executioner without batting an eyelash.  If I feel I have all of the facts in front of me, attempting to change my mind without more facts that I was unaware of will be next to impossible.  Judge Judy is one of my heroes (yes, yes – I know it’s all a show – but I love her no-nonsense way of dealing with the people who present in front of her!).  Changing my mind is possible you just better do a good job of convincing me why it needs to be changed.

I don’t know if being judgmental is a good thing or a bad thing…the jury’s still out.  J

However, one of the biggest things I have struggled with as a step-mom is empathy for the bio-mom in my life – Jetsam.  I look at her life and cannot understand why she is where she is at.  I look at it from an outsider’s perspective and say, “If she’d only do this, that and the other, then her life would be so much better!”  I cannot for the life of me understand why she will not do the things I find so obvious or easy.  Things like the following:

  • Getting a GED.  She dropped out of high school in 10th grade and never went back.  Supposedly, she’s attempted to get her GED recently (within the last 10 years), but failed the course by 2 points or 2 questions – I can’t remember which.  So she gave up and never tried again.  WHAT?!?  If I had failed by 2 points, I’d have my butt right back in the testing chair and doing it again – not giving up and saying, “See!  I told you I couldn’t do it!”  See – lack of empathy to her situation makes me a bad person.
  • Staying in one place.  I totally understand the need to move if/when necessary, but this woman has moved somewhere in the neighborhood of 15-18 times in the last 10 years (I’ve lost count).  On average, she’s moved every 6-8 months.  To me, being stable will mean a stable job, stable home life, and stable family.  For whatever reason, she cannot stay in one place – but blames us for the inability to stay put.  Again – lack of empathy to her situation prevents me from understanding her reasoning.
  • Pulling the “she’s a single mom” card (she still has Flounder living with her full time).  However, she doesn’t receive child support for him – it’s not worth her time to file for it.  Hun and I have begged her to file for support; that it would make her life easier – at least there would be a record on file, even if she never receives a dime.  When she first lost custody of Hun’s kids, she also lost the child support she was receiving.  She tried to file for Flounder at that time, but because of our state laws, the state automatically named Hun as his father.  Since she knows Hun isn’t the father, she never bothered showing up for the hearing, since she didn’t show up, the state closed the case.  Hun was willing to do the paternity testing the state would have required – he was willing to jump through the state’s hoops – he showed up for the hearing.  It wasn’t worth her time to jump through the hoops the state set up to receive support – but it sure isn’t hard for her to blame us for all of her struggles.  There it is again – lack of empathy to her situation hinders me from understanding her motives.

There they are – all of my faults – at least the ones I’m willing to cop to.  All of these faults have hindered me in a step-family and as a step-mom in particular at one time or another.  However, I also contend that they have helped me as well. 

Judge me for yourselves.  Comments on anything that I blog is welcomed – including my faults.

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