It’s hard being a stepparent.  We’re to blame for everything – regardless of if it’s true or not. People have preconceived notions on what happened, so they apply those ideas to our situation.  As step-parents, we even condemn ourselves occasionally.

You’re the new spouse? You must have been the cause of the original family breaking up. Never mind that there were 2 people in the original relationship that didn’t get along – it must be the stepparent’s fault somehow, someway.

The kids are acting up? As the stepparent, you’re not loving them enough, being lenient enough, being understanding enough to the poor innocent angels – they’re victims of circumstance don’t you know? Never mind the same people never point the fingers to the bio-parents of said misbehaving children – it must be the stepparent’s fault somehow, someway.

Issues with money? Usually this issue comes up from the bio-parent receiving child support or from the child wanting ________.  As the stepparent, you’re being selfish, controlling, demanding, and unreasonable by insisting on having a say in where the household money should be budgeted to. Never mind that in a marriage it is a partnership where the couple should have equal say in where the money is spent – it must be the stepparent’s fault somehow, someway.

Bio-parent is acting like a nut-case? As the stepparent, we drove them to behave that way; it’s all our fault that they have a dysfunctional relationship with their ex or their own child. The bio-parent’s behavior is rationalized and condoned by others because of the “evil” stepparent – it must be the stepparent’s fault somehow, someway, so they deserve the treatment the bio-parent heaps on them.

Kids grow up to be spoiled, selfish adults?  As the step-parent, we are to blame for all of the reasons listed above and more.  If only we had never met their father/mother, been more loving, understanding, freer with our money and gifts to them, etc, etc, etc.  Never mind that the adult child refuses to take responsibility for their own actions, or come to the realization that their Disney Dad or Mooching Mom contributed to the adult child’s current state of mind – it must be the stepparent’s fault somehow, someway.

Don’t you know in stepfamily life it is easier to blame the stepparent than it is to take responsibility for our own actions?

As another blogger stated (the nonstepmom), it must be all Disney’s fault. If Disney would have put out fairy tale classics of loving, caring stepparents, the public would have a different view of us. But nnnooooo!!!! He had to make us all evil….the bastard.

(PS…yes, I know Disney didn’t write the classics, but he could have modified them to make us the good fairies or something like he modified everything else!)

(PPS….yes, I know that everyone knows of someone, somewhere that does fit the mold of the cause of everything listed above – there wouldn’t be stereotypes if these weren’t true in at least SOME cases.  However, the truth of the matter is, most step-parents really do want what is best for their step-children and there really are some bio-parents that are messed up and bring their kids down with them.)

 

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