A life full of choices is where I love to be.  Normally, I would find this comforting, but today I’m finding it hilariously ironic.  Especially since our options of choices have been dramatically reduced in the last week.

As a background to my following conundrum of choices, Hun lost his job last Tuesday.  That’s right, he was fired, canned, given a pink slip, whatever you want to call it – he’s without a job.  You would think that in this economy, I’d be having a hard time finding anything hilarious, let alone funny, but the choices that have been rattling around in my head for the last week are certainly all that and more.

Like for instance – I wonder how much child slave labor is going for nowadays.  They don’t eat much (just everything that’s not nailed down), hardly ever complain (unless it’s about each other, parents, school, chores, homework, or TV time and who has watched more milliseconds than the other), and have perfect manners whenever it suits their needs.  Sure, I could ship them off to Siberia for a couple of rubles per month…..it would certainly cut down on my grocery bills.  But, somehow, I don’t think Jetsam will approve of any choice of mine that involves shipping off the kids anywhere.  <<sigh……spoiled-sport>>  I suppose my choice will have to be to cook more at home rather than eating out all of the time – drat!

I know!  I can really turn into an evil person and hound both Flotsam and Jetsam for their back child support (CS) payments!  You know – share the wealth with this stress and all that jazz.  I mean – why am I the only one that should be stressed out by all of this?  Flotsam doesn’t have a job right now and he doesn’t seem a bit concerned about any of it.  The last time I asked him about the lack of CS from him, he had the nerve to point out that he guesses he could go to jail for non-payment, but what good would that do anyone?  Well – let’s see, it’ll make me feel better since you’re not working and not paying, so what harm would it do to anyone but YOU?  YOU rotting in jail won’t hurt me not getting CS – you’re not paying anyway.  YOU rotting in jail won’t hurt your employer – why?  Oh…That’s right!  You’re not working!!  Ooohhhh!!!  I know – I’ve got just the plan!  How about I ship Flotsam off to Siberia for slave labor?  Yeah!  That’s the ticket!!

Grrh – I know – I’ll have better luck getting blood from a turnip.  I’m not likely to act on any of my impulses, but imagining the ways I can make their lives miserable IS making me feel better…..just a little.

Or maybe I could turn The Mistress into a “lady of the night” and charge guys for a ride.  Never mind – scratch that idea.  The Mistress costs too much as it is – I’ll never be able to turn a profit using her.  Maybe I’ll cut her loose from the family….

NNNNOOOOOoooooooo!!!! – That scream you just heard was Hun morning for the loss of his lady.

Okay – maybe cutting her loose after only one week is a bit premature.  I suppose my choice will have to be a “wait and see” approach for the next couple of weeks.  Although, hanging a “For Sale” sign on The Mistress will probably light a fire under Hun’s ass to get a job……hmmmm……light bulb moment!!

 And, it’s almost Halloween – maybe I can turn my house into a freak show.  Only one working bathroom and 6 people live there?  EEeeekkkkk!!!!  Your electric bill has been HOW much every month this summer?!?  AAAAaaccckkkk!!!!!  Your house has been invaded by what…..what was that??  Herds of majestically romping dust bunnies, flittering from sun-beam to sun-beam, and pro-creating in the depths of dark underbellies of the couches??  Bwahahahahaha……..<<choke>>…..hehehe……<<gasp>>…….Um….I mean….how horrible!!

Of course, the real choices in life are much harder to make.  I don’t want to think of those choices right now.  I want to stay in Never-Never-Land for a little while longer.  I want to be the one that doesn’t have to face responsibilities and consequences. 

What I really want is to know how much postage to Siberia will be…..

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