I never expected to be in a knock-down-drag-out-no-holds-barred-fight regarding a dead battery with my significant other. But that then begs the question – would you have expected to be in one?

Round 1

Wake up one fine, glorious Saturday morning, stretch, fart, cuddle, nuzzle, comment to Hun about what needs to be done for the day and then doze back off to sleep.  <<DING!>>

Round 2

Wake up again, realize I’m now running late, jump out of bed, re-wake Hun to let him know I’m going to the grocery store for party items, be back later as he’s commenting that he thinks he’ll go work-out this morning (yeah, right – you’re not even out of bed yet, haven’t worked out in 3+ months, I’ll believe it when I see it – okay nods from me), and I’m out the door.  Jump into the truck as it’s parked behind the Suburban (aka: The Beast, Mom-Mobile, Gas Hogg, etc) and speed off to the store.  <<DING!>>

Round 3

More than half-way through shopping, received a text from Hun asking if he can have his truck?  Uhhh…..HELLO!!  I’m at the grocery store where I said I’d be.  Oh, right!  I have your truck and it’s not possible to take the Beast to work out instead of the truck, so that’s what the text is about.  Okay, I get it – texted back:  Sure, just make sure you leave the bag that’s in the front seat (basically told him to come get it – my bad…..bad wife, Bad, BAD WIFE!).  <<DING!>>

Round 4

~15 minutes later, loading groceries into the truck to go home and miss the phone call from Hun.  Call right back instead of listening to the voice message and get Hun growling at me, “The battery in the Suburban is dead, I can’t go work out, my morning is ruined” and <CLICK>! 

WHAT THE F***?!?  He just hung up on me!?!  Because of a dead battery?!?  I don’t think so!!!!! <<DING!>>

Round 5

Pull up to the house to discover tools being thrown and being told to leave Hun the hell alone.  Umm….I’m bull-headed remember?  Them be fighting words for me, especially since I now realize he’s blaming me for ruining his morning.  ((How am I to blame you may ask – for taking the truck instead of The Beast.  Because he told me he wanted to work out, I was to instinctively know that he wanted me to move his truck out of the way and then take The Beast shopping.  If I had only done that, I would have discovered the dead battery myself (while he was still in bed) and he would have gotten ready to change out a dead battery instead of getting ready to go work out.  See?  It all makes perfect sense when you think about it.))  <<DING!>>

Round 6……. Round 7……. Round 8…….. Round 9…….

Him:  @#$%^&*())&#$^(*&$^%#()

Me:  #$%^&*()*^%$^&$*_)_)*^$#

Him:  $%^&*()_(*&^#$%^&!!!!!

Me:  %^&*()($%^&*()_($%^&*()!!!!!!!!!!


Round 10

I deploy my “secret” weapon – The Silent Treatment.  Hun retaliates with his “secret” weapon – Sarcasm.  <<DING!>>

Round 11

The Referees in both of us attempts to call a time out….both parties are now being bull-headed and refuse to listen – Silent Treatment and Sarcasm continues.  <<DING!>>

Round 12

Change of venue – maybe a new arena will help end the fight.  NOPE!  <<DING!>>

Round 13

The Referees finally gets both parties in the same room to talk.  Bloodied and bruised and way past being on the verge of a TKO (Truly Kooky Occurrence – A Dead BATTERY!!), both parties agree that they were being stupid, bull-headed, and overly-sensitive in their own respective ways.  <<DING!>>

Round 14

Kisses and forgiveness flow from each party and balance is now restored to the universe. 

<<DING! DING! DING!  We have a Winner!!>>

The next time you have a TKO with your significant other, try not to have it over something as silly as a dead battery – please, please make it about something much more stupid so I can feel smug and self-satisfied that it’s not just me, will ya?  Please??